Righteous Insanity

Two Links

Yahoo News ran a story this week about the struggle of conservative comics to poke fun at Obama. Interesting look at the other side of the comedy world. I’m sure things will come around, and a day will come when people loosen up and laugh at Obama the same as they have with Bush and Clinton.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/20090204/pl_politico/18367

Here’s another interesting link I’ve been meaning to share. This website features a music video by the band No More Kinds for a song called “Sweep the Leg.” If you’re a child of the 80’s, you know what that line means. This is a terrific and entertaining video, and a long overdue tribute to the great William Zabka, a guy who never got to enjoy “brat pack” fame because he was always playing the bad guy. Zabka not only reprises his most famous role, he directed the video. Look for lots and lots of Cobra Kai cameos – and one more surprise at the end.

www.sweeptheleg.com

 

A geek rant about "Twilight"

I've had some interesting discussions with family members about a certain book series making a lot of money. I'm talking about Stephenie Meyers and her so-called "vampire" love story, "Twilight." Fans of the book have told me that it is a new take on vampires. Detractors - like myself - would like Stephenie Meyers to go back to her word processor and replace the word "vampire" with something else. 

Here's the problem: we all know what a vampire is. A vampire is a monster who sucks blood. Vampires have no reflection in mirrors and are repelled by garlic. Vampires can only be killed by sunlight, decapitation, or a stake in the heart. Stephenie Meyers' "vampires" can not only walk in the sunlight, they sparkle. 

Let me be perfectly clear about this: vampires do not sparkle. They combust and die an agonizing, flaming death. 

Stephenie Meyers' books are not about vampires. Do not tell me that it is a new spin on vampires. Stephenie Meyers has created her own, vampire-like creatures of the... well, we can't even call them creatures of the night, can we? 

Would you make a movie about Nazis where the Nazis do not wear a swastika? 

Would you tell a tale about Vikings who wear propeller beanies instead of horned helmets? 

Neither should you tell a tale of vampires who walk in the daylight. 

Call them ghouls, fiends, or whatever. But they are not vampires. 

Flame all you want, Twilight fans, you know I am right. The geek in me has spoken. 

Excuse me, please, I'm gonna log off and watch some Buffy. Feel free to bounce over to my fiction site, www.lunarshutletickets.com, and read some real vampire stories. 

You're Going to Miss Him

An open letter to all political comedy writers and lovers in the United States, especially the liberals:

You’re going to miss him.

 

For eight years, you’ve called him an illegitimate leader. You’ve mocked him and condemned him at every turn. You cried for impeachment, prayed for assassination. You hated every insufferable moment of his presidency. Yet deep down in your heart of hearts, you know the truth: you will miss President Bush.

 

Bush was a goldmine of comedy goodies, wasn’t he? His stuttering speech, his folksy

Texas

demeanor, his “yee haa” attitude, and even his long-buried past as a boozer. There were no bounds, no limits. We laughed. HE laughed along. Give him credit, W has a wonderful self-deprecating sense of humor. You didn’t like when he joined in, but Bush can and does take a joke.

 

Now you have the Wonder Boy. He’s charismatic, he’s liberal, he’s everything you ever dreamed of in a president, isn’t he?

 

Oops, forgot one thing: Barack Obama isn’t very funny.

 

Sure he sounds like Dave Chappelle when he plays a white man, but other than that, Obama’s just not funny. There are no stammering speeches or Obama-isms to mock. He’s not a redneck. He’s faithful to his wife. He has a past, like Bush, with illegal substances, but you don’t DARE bring those up. Neither can you mock his race, his ears, his pastor, his family, his terrorist neighbors, or anything else about him.

 

About the only thing you can mock with ease is the cult-like adoration of the millions and millions of Obama lovers who elected the man. Oh, and Crazy Joe Biden. But Obama? Eh, not so much.

 

I suppose things could change once the man takes office. Eight years ago, a lot of comics thought their careers were over. I mean who ever dreamed that Bush would be funnier than the dope from Hope? Clinton gave you a scandal a week. Bush gave you so much more. But Obama?

 

It’s okay. Let it out. Take a moment, shed a tear, and admit you’re sad to see Bush go.   

 

Spike Jones

Like many of my generation, I grew up on the songs of Weird Al Yankovic. Like many of Weird Al's hardcore fans, I was also a fan of the men who preceded him. Before Weird Al, there was Stan Freberg. And before Stan, there was Spike. 

Spike Jones was a gifted percussionist and band leader who did for the big band era what Weird Al did for the MTV era. He recruited a band of superior musicians who also happened to be brilliant comics: Doodles Weaver, George Rock, Freddie Morgan, Sir Frederick Gas, and others. Their recordings were hilarious. Their live performances were more so. 

There's sadly little footage of Spike and Co. on video. I used to have a VHS tape with some terrific routines, but not any more. I did find a handful of videos on Youtube. The clip below is a nice one showcasing a number of the band members and Spike himself. As always, share and enjoy. 

The secret to happiness for Christian singles: Throwing Eggs!

(Part 4 of a series.)

The whole getyoked.net project would never have happened had I not spent thirteen years living the single life. I'd love to tell you that it was one, long blissful time of service devoted to the Lord. It was not. There were plenty of lonely nights. There was a lot of moping. There were some poor decisions made, some that took me completely away from the calling God gave me. In spite of all this, God used me. I spent seven years as a drama leader at church, a year at Youth for Christ, and another four years on tour. There were stints when I got to work in public and private schools as a drama teacher. There were plays, youth conferences, and film projects. All the while, God was revealing who I am to me, shaping me into a person who could be a good husband and father.

 

There are those who would say I was immature and should have grown up faster. They would accuse me of trying to avoid commitment and responsibility. They don't know how badly I wanted to be married at 21, 22, 23, etc. I thank God I did not get married then. I thought I was ready. I wanted to be ready. God knew better. I don't believe there's an age of maturity that is universal. My siblings were both ready at 19. I was no where near, and it was only by God's mercy I didn't marry before my time.

 

Over the last few years, I shared a good many of my single life stories with the creative team (Jeff Roney, William Lundin, and Natalie Nicole Gilbert) that helped to re-shape getyoked.net. Finally, it was Jeff Roney's idea that I put these stories in a book. And so I did.

 

"Throwing Eggs in the Shower" is a celebration of what it means to be single. It's a chronicle about my own times of searching (and failing) to find love. It's funny, it's honest, it's not always pretty. But it's my hope that sharing these stories will encourage others who haven't found their place in this world to seek God first and let him fill in the gaps.

 

"Throwing Eggs" is available through getyoked.net, and also on Amazon.com in hard copy AND for Kindle. Stop by tomorrow, and you'll learn what I mean by throwing eggs in the shower.

Letting Christian singles have it

(This is part 3 of a series.) 

Sarcasm isn't always looked on favorably among Christians. I've even heard pastors preach against it, despite the fact that some great men of God in the Bible used it. I've always found it to be an effective tool for generating laughs and delivering a message. 

For a few years, I considered starting a Christian "tabloid" website with a friend of mine. It never happened, partly due to time considerations, and partly because larknews.com and wittenburgdoor.com do such a great job with similar material. But the idea of a parody site finally clicked when I set out to create something for Christian singles. 

Taking a cue from Paul, who said Christians should be equally yoked, I chose the name getyoked.net. (getyoked.com is taken by fitness supply company.) getyoked.net would serve two purposes:

- Mocking those who had the attitude that singles should hurry up and get married; and

- Mocking and calling singles to account for our own short comings. 

Since most singles I spoke to felt the most pressure from church, I created Dr. Rosenberger, a snarky know-it-all advice columnist with tunnel vision on the marriage issue. Originally started as a blog, Dr. Rosenberger now has video blogs (courtesy of Christian comic actor Ryan Traynor) where he can dispense his wisdom for singles. 

We also created Prunella Douglas, your typical matchmaking church lady, to supplement Dr. Rose's wisdom. With articles like "What's the matter with Mother Theresa?" and "What's the matter with Rebecca St. James?" nothing and no one safe from attack when they choose the single life over marriage. 

Of course, I knew such authority figures were only half the problem, so I created the video personals section of the site. Dozens of oddball characters appear on getyoked.net making their case for finding a mate, from the woman who went to Bible school hoping (and failing) to marry a pastor; to the Mountain Dew fueled youth pastor; to the guy who is looking for a good Christian girl that doesn't necessarily keep a certain commandment. 

Edgy, over the top, but always with truth woven in, the video personals have caused a stir with visitors. Some have even drawn interest from would-be suitors who didn't get it was a joke. But many have come to see the videos for what they are: a call for authenticity, and a commitment to God first. 

getyoked.net didn't take long to cause some trouble. Crossdaily (one of the Christian portals that offers singles a direct link to a dating site - and nothing else) politely asked us to remove a link to their site. Still many, like the folks at thekingdomcome.com, got what we were doing and offered their support. I've also been encouraged and blessed by the support of creative talents like AV12, actor/writer/producer Keith Dodson, actress/producer Natalie Nicole Gilbert, and especially William and Jeff from Roneyzone Productions, who came aboard in 2008 to redesign the site. 

Thanks to the efforts of these and other talents, getyoked.net has grown into much more than a little parody site, as I will share in my next entry. 

Something for Singles

(This is part 2 of a series.) 

After searching and failing to find some good resources for singles online, I started polling some friends online and in the area. I asked them about the attitudes parents, churches, friends, etc. had about their status in life. Answers varied as to how much pressure they felt to marry, but the answers were unanimous as to who gave them the most pressure: PASTORS! I honestly expected parents - moms in particular - to rank at the top. But everyone told me it was their church that pressured them the most. 

I guess it shouldn't have surprised me. When I was a single adult in college, my church was growing in every area except one. The church had no interest - zip, zero, nada - in attracting single young adults. My senior year of college, it was announced that they would hire a singles minister. Eager to do all I could to make it happen, I dropped by one day to get an application. The church administrator laughed and pulled me aside. "John, this isn't for you. This is for the middle-aged, single agains." 

"What about people my age?" 

He hemmed and hawed and made excuses. Our church "did enough," he said. Enough, if you're curious, was defined as a care package for college students filled with Ramen and cookies. 

Year after year, I saw students graduate from the youth group and vanish. One year, when some students came and asked the board of elders for support to start a ministry outside the church aimed at their age group, they were politely told to go away. 

It made me very sad to see a church ignore its children in a time of life when faith is tested and sometimes lost. Since that time I've come to see many churches are doing what they can to reach young singles. And yes, you can find some online. But it's hard to dig through the garbage and find a place to ask questions and be filled spiritually. 

I wanted to do something, but I wasn't sure what. I know my Bible well, but I'm no preacher. My expertise with web development wasn't that advanced either. What I had was a passion to encourage singles and tweak the noses of those who didn't get them. 

I also felt like someone needed to call singles on the carpet for their hypocrisy. Over the years, I had come to see the ideal of a Christian single was more ideal than real. We talk a good game about holiness and purity, but with no accountability, there was very little authenticity. Yes, there are great people out there living as Christ taught them, but there are far more who say one thing at church and do another with their friends. 

Eventually, it all came together in one place. 

I had to do something

I was just starting to plan a wedding when I went online an googled "Christian singles." It wasn't a matter of cold feet; more a matter of stone cold determination. For thirteen years (since my high school graduation), I had lived as a single adult on this earth. There were good times and bad. Lonely times and not so lonely times. All in all, singleness had been good to me, and I was determined not to become one of those married people that drove me crazy - the ones who always wanted to fix you up.

I don't know why, but I felt a burden for my fellow singles. I wanted to know there was something out there for them, a portal or website where they could come, be nourished spiritually, and draw closer to the Lord. I felt called to do something like this, but I didn't want to add another website to my slate. (I tend to do that; I currently own at least 15 domain names.) I prayed, and I told God if there was already something out there, I would let it go. If not, I would do something.

So I googled. I googled a number of combinations of words, looking for this special place that catered to singles needs. And all that I found were meat markets.

Meet Christian singles. Meet Catholic singles. Meet Pentacostal singles. Page after page of meat markets and dating sites. Discouraged, I tried to find something through one of the Christian portals. A few actually had links on their menus labeled "Singles." Not a darn one of them went to a singles ministry site. They all linked to dating sites, from Christian Cafe to e-Harmony.

I don't mean to dog on these sites. They have a purpose, and I made a few good friends on the Cafe. But contrary to popular belief, singles are living incomplete lives because they are not yet married.

Now I had to do something. I had promised. But what?

Nichols and May - Mother and Son

I've been wanting to use this sketch for a Mother's Day service. Never had the opportunity, but one day, one day I will. 

For the uninitiated, the actors are Mike Nichols and Elaine May, the undisputed king and queen of improvisational sketch comedy. This was a polished sketch from their Broadway show, but like all their material, it was created through improv. 

Lord of the Files - A movie treatment?

Write every day. That's what a lot of books and writing gurus like to tell you, right? Writers write every day, even if it's just something random. Well, here's a random something for you. A while back, I was sitting in my cubicle at my day job, imagining what it would be like if a white collar office went "native", like in the book Lord of the Flies. Imagine if the boss died and a struggle to survive and seize power ensued? The idea came back to me yesterday when, again, I was sitting in my cubicle bored. Is it the next big blockbuster? Well, you tell me. 

"LORD OF THE FILES"

Movie treatment by John Cosper

 

The story begins around nine AM, when Kimberlee, the charming young receptionist, discovers the company boss Victor Murdock is dead from a massive coronary. Distraught, Kimberlee shares the news with the first person she can find, director of sales Layne Livingston. Layne, ever one with a plan, gathers the company employees together to break the news. From accounting to administrative to sales, they take it hard, but Livingston assures them all will be well - he is now in control.

 

With the sales men in control, the office becomes a very dark place, with selfish, greedy sales reps barking out orders, staking their territories, and bickering amongst each other. Livingston lets it all go, living off the fat of his reps while delivering orders from on high. The people are miserable. The sales reps seize control of the restrooms and begin charging the helpless co-workers an exorbitant fee to gain access to the facilities.

 

Waldo Hicks in accounting hatches a plan to overthrow the sales reps. Meeting in the breakroom during the sales team's ten AM smoke break, he uses his advanced math skills to explain to the admins and his fellow number crunchers that they outnumber the sales reps four to one. When the sales reps return, the admins and accountants unleash a devastating attack, capturing the sales reps and imprisoning them in the records room.

 

Peace reigns for a while, but during the lunch hour, the long oppressed money crunchers, tired of sales men with their runaway expense accounts, begin torturing the sales reps with staples. Kimberlee valiantly lobbies to stop the violence, but no one will stand with her except Pedro, the purchasing manager. The two soon fall in love.

 

The controller decides to put the sales men on trial and execute them for their crimes. Around 2 PM, the trial of Layne Livingston is nearing its end when a massive explosion takes out half the cubicles. The engineering department, who had slipped out quietly just after the sales men took control, have begun their bid for power. Being the only department in the office with the know-how to build advanced weapons out of common office equipment, they seize power.

 

Unfortunately, the engineers have no long-range foresight as to how best to run the office. They make a treaty with the salesmen, releasing them from their prison, and Livingston is once again in power, backed by the might and know-how of the engineering department. Marketing is brought in to lead a propaganda campaign to persuade all employees to fall in line.

 

Desperate to restore freedom to the office, Kimberlee and Pedro contact the IT department, led by the quirky but lovable Ernie "Gigabyte" Johnson; Gig and company agree to help them stage a counter-counter-counter-coup against the sales/ engineering alliance. At 4:30 PM, Gig unleashes a computer virus that wipes out every powered piece of machinery in the office, rendering the engineers and sales reps relatively defenseless. A bloody battles starts in the breakroom, and the rebel forces soon drive the engineers and sales reps down the hall to the conference rooms.

 

Kimberlee suffers a devastating wound from a ballpoint pen rocket. As she lays bleeding in Pedro's arms, he kisses her just as the five o'clock bell sounds. Fighting stops, both sides lay down their weapons, and everyone goes home for the day. No one says a word to anyone.

 

That evening, Kimberlee tells her fiance Brett that the terrible wound in her gut is merely a paper cut. Before he can press her on the matter, the evening news comes on, reporting that police have discovered Mr. Murdock dead, thanks to an anonymous tip. Kimberlee goes home and updates her account on Monster.com, vowing never again to return to the office.