Who Does God Love?
By John Cosper
Johnny - The announcer
Seth - Game show host
Layla - A Christian girl
Nails - A biker
Lisa - An atheist college professor
Jimmy - A kids TV star
Nails, Lisa, and Jimmy are sitting on stools stage right. Game show music plays as Johnny introduces the show.
JOHNNY: Hey, kids, it's time for America's most spiritual game show, "Who Does God Love?" And here's your host, Seth Righteous!
SETH: Thank you, Johnny, and welcome to Who Does God Love. We've got a great contestant for you today. Let's meet her.
JOHNNY: Seth, our contestant is a girl from Madison, Wisconsin. She's in the fourth grade, she loves field hockey and hip hop music, and one day, she wants to be a children's minister. Meet Layla Corley!
Layla enters, waves to the crowd.
SETH: Hello, Layla.
LAYLA: Hi, Seth.
SETH: Are you ready to play the game?
LAYLA: I sure am.
SETH: Here's how we play. Over there, you will meet three very different people. If you can guess which one of them God loves, you will win a fabulous prize. And here's Johnny to tell us all about today's guests.
JOHNNY: Our first guest is a notorious bank robber and chicken thief from Montana. He's a founding member of the Bad Dudes Biker Club and a three time felon. Meet Jimmy "Nails" Spiccoli!
Jimmy sticks his tongue out at the audience.
JOHNNY: Our second contestant is a college professor. She teaches evolutionary biology at Generic State University, and she thinks anyone who believes in God is just plain stupid. Meet Dr. Lisa Wagner.
Lisa waves to the crowd.
JOHNNY: And finally, he's the star of that hit kids show, "Hey, Who Put That There?" Say hello to Jimmy Tom Paul!
LAYLA: Oh my goodness, it's Jimmy Tom Paul!
JIMMY: (saying his catchphrase) Hey, who put that there?
SETH: Layla, you have five minutes to ask as many questions as you want of our contestants. At the end of five minutes, you must guess correctly which one of these three people God loves. Are you ready?
LAYLA: Seth, I don't need five minutes. I know the answer.
SETH: Whoa! Are you sure you don't want to ask at least a few questions?
LAYLA: There's no need. This is the easiest question you could ask. God loves all three of them!
LAYLA: It's true! God loves all of us, and he knows we're all sinners. That's why he sent Jesus to die for our sins. Anyone who believes in Jesus can have their sins forgiven and receive eternal life.
NAIL: You're kidding? After all the banks I robbed and chickens I stole, Jesus wants to forgive me?
LISA: I don't believe you, or your God. I don't care if he loves me or not.
LAYLA: He's always loved you, and he always will. You, Nails, and Jimmy Tom Paul.
JIMMY: I have three first names!
SETH: Well, this was a failure. Here I thought I had a good, tricky game show for you, and you ruin it. I quit!
Seth drops his microphone and walks off. Jimmy points at the mic.
JIMMY: Hey, who put that there?
Nails walks over to Layla.
NAILS: You really think Jesus loves me?
LAYLA: He does, and I love you too.
NAILS: No one's ever told me they loved me. Not even my Momma. Can you tell me more about Jesus?
LAYLA: Sure I can.
NAILS: Come on, Lisa! You may want to hear this too.
LISA: I hardly think so! I'll stay here with Jimmy Tom Paul.
JIMMY: Did you know I have three first names?
Lisa jumps off her stool.
LISA: On second thought, wait for me!
Lisa, Nails, and Layla exit together. Leave Jimmy sitting on stage, smiling like a goof, for a minute before someone Seth on to get him.
SETH: Jimmy, the show's over.
JIMMY: It is?
JIMMY: (stops smiling, changes character) Thank goodness. It hurts my mouth to smile like that!
Seth and Jimmy exit.