A little last minute something for the coming weekend. Enjoy!
Benchwarmers
by John Cosper
www.righteousinsanity.com
THEME: New Years
CHARACTERS
Quit Smoking
Exercise More
Road Rage
Stop Cussing
Pray Daily
Smoking sits on stage on a long bench. Exercise enters.
SMOKING: Hi.
EXERCISE: Hey.
Exercise sits on the bench.
SMOKING: So which one are you?
EXERCISE: I'm Exercise More.
SMOKING: How do you do? I'm Quit Smoking.
EXERCISE: Nice to meet you.
SMOKING: Nice to meet you.
EXERCISE: How long have you been here?
SMOKING: Let's see now. New Years we last week. Today's the eighth. Eight days.
EXERCISE: Really?
SMOKING: The mother. Gets her every year.
EXERCISE: Ah, I see.
SMOKING: Good for you lasting the week.
EXERCISE: Yeah. Her friend got her a good deal at a local gym. She went twice.
SMOKING: That's two hundred bucks she'll never see again.
EXERCISE: Two fifty.
SMOKING: Wow. What a waste.
Road Rage enters.
ROAD: What's up, fellas?
SMOKING: How are ya?
ROAD: I'm Road Rage.
SMOKING: I'm Quit Smoking, this is Exercise More.
ROAD: Man, makes sense I'd be here. Without exercise to calm her down, it was bound to happen.
SMOKING: You'd have been here a lot quicker if she didn't drop me on day one.
ROAD: True, true.
EXERCISE: Surprised to see you here alone. I was expecting you to show up with--
Stop Cussing enters.
CUSSING: Hey, Stop Cussing.
EXERCISE: I wasn't.
CUSSING: No, that's my name.
EXERCISE: Oh, there you are. I'm Exercise More.
CUSSING: Hi.
SMOKING: Quit Smoking, how are ya?
CUSSING: Fine, thanks.
ROAD: What's up, stranger?
CUSSING: We showed that idiot in the Prius who's boss, didn't we?
ROAD: You bet we did!
SMOKING: Well, boys, another year, another blown opportunity.
EXERCISE: Another 357 days until we mean something.
ROAD: I don't see what's the point. She's just gonna bench us after a week.
CUSSING: What is with people, man? They want to change their lives, but they're powerless by themselves.
SMOKING: If only there was someone to help them. Someone who could come into their daily lives to guide them, change them, and mold them into the person they could be.
EXERCISE: There is. But there's a problem.
Pray Daily enters. He walks down the row introducing himself.
PRAY: Hi, Pray Daily, God bless you. Pray Daily, God bless, buddy. Hi, God bless, I'm Pray Daily. Hi, Pray Daily, the Lord be with you.
Pray Daily sits at the end of the bench dejected.
SMOKING: What a shame. That guy could actually make a difference.
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