Righteous Insanity

Meet Scotty Love's daughter Kaitlyn... or is it Marie?

Another school, another town, another community asking why

My heart went out to the students and families of Chardon High School. I heard about it from a text from an acquaintance who is from that area originally. It seems like so long since we had one of these incidents. We'd almost forgotten about Paducah, Columbine, and so many more. And yet here it comes around again. The boy looks like all the others we saw before - quiet, reserved, with warning signs no one really heeded. 

I wrote "The Waiting Room" in the wake of Columbine, and toured it with Youth for Christ Louisville. I wish that it was no longer relevant. It's the story of seven kids and the boy who shot them in the school halls coming face to face. It's message has nothing to do with video games or goth music or guns. It's love. If kids could learn to love each other, especially the "forgotten," maybe we could prevent the next tragedy - murder, suicide, whatever form it might try to take. 

It's been revised (about a year ago) to update the language and dialogue a bit. Feel free to update some more as you so choose - if you choose to use it. 

This script is free, and always will be, so long as it's needed. 

Download The Waiting Room by clicking here. 

Free Skit Monday - A New Model Dad

New skit for Dad's and Father's Day to go with last week's treat for mom. 

 

A New Model Dad

www.righteousinsanity.com

by John Cosper

 

CHARACTERS

Amy- A girl looking for a new dad

Dad- Amy’s Dad

Jeff- Used Dad Salesman

Otto- German Fascist Dad

Buck- Sports loving Dad

Howard- Too busy Dad

 

[Director’s Note: To reduce cast size, you can have one actor do minor costume changes and play Otto, Buck, and Howard.]

 

Jeff is at stage left seated behind a desk with his feet up, reading a paper.  Amy rolls her Dad on stage in a cushy chair. Dad wears a T-shirt, shorts, black socks, and a gut. He is also fast asleep. Jeff sees Amy and sits up.

 

JEFF- Can I help you?

AMY- Yes. I’d like to trade in our dad.

JEFF- Then you’ve come to the right place. Welcome to Crazy Larry’s Used Dad Lot. So, where is the old man?

AMY- Asleep in his chair...like always!

JEFF- (jolts when he sees Dad) I’ve seen worse. But don’t despair. Whatever you’re looking for in a father, Crazy Larry’s is bound to have it. Now, exactly what kind of features were you looking for? Something more sporty? Energetic?

AMY- Clean?

JEFF- Ah! I have just the man for you. (calls off) Otto!

 

Otto marches on military style.

 

OTTO- Achtung!  Getten zee in a line! Macht schnell!

 

Amy stands at attention, nervous.

 

OTTO- Vut are you do-ink? You schould be home do-ink home-vurk!

AMY- But it’s Saturday!

OTTO- Zen you schould be do-ink chorz! If I am to be your Fa-ter, you vill haff to schape up! From now on, ven you get home from school, you do homevurk. Zen, you do chorz. At 5:30, you eat supper. Late comers do not get fruit cup. Six o’clock, dishes. Six thirty, shower. Seven o’clock, bedtime!

AMY- Seven o’clock bedtime?

OTTO- Right after butterfly kisses.

AMY- (walks to Jeff) I don’t think this one’s going to work out.

 

Otto exits.

 

JEFF- What’s the matter? Not what you had in mind?

AMY- Not exactly. My old dad made me do homework and chores, but he knew how to have fun too.

JEFF- I see. Perhaps a more fun-loving father then? Someone with a big heart who likes to be involved in your life.

AMY- Yeah. And one who enjoys sports.

JEFF- I have just the Dad you’re looking for.

 

Buck runs on.

 

BUCK- Hey, hey, how ya doin’ there, sport? You ready for some fun and excitement with dear old dad?

AMY- Yeah!

BUCK- Well that’s just what we’re gonna do! Starting tomorrow, you’re signing up for ice hockey.

AMY- Ice hockey?

BUCK- That’s right! Nothing builds character and a sound mind like a little blood on the ice!

AMY- But I’m a soccer player.

BUCK- Soccer! Soccer? Only weenies play soccer!

AMY- What did you say?

BUCK- I said soccer is for weenies!

AMY- (to Jeff) Okay, get him out before I have to hurt him.

 

Buck exits.

 

JEFF- But I thought you wanted an active Dad.

AMY- I do. But I want a dad who will let me be me, not what he wants me to be.

JEFF- I see. So you want someone who is supportive, but not so heavily involved. What about this one? 

 

Howard enters.

 

HOWARD- Hey there, Buffy.

AMY- It’s Amy.

HOWARD- Whatever. I just want you to know that as your dad, I’ll be proud of you no matter what you want to do. And whenever life gives you lemons, I’ll be right there to help you turn them into lemonade. (cell phone rings) Just a minute. (answer phone) Hello?...We did? The Asher account?...I’m on my way. (hang up) Gotta run, guys. I’ve got a five-thirty meeting in L.A. (pulls out a ten dollar bill and hands it to Amy) Here. Go to the mall and get yourself something cool.

AMY- But can we just--

HOWARD- Sorry, Doris, gotta run! (runs off, yells) Don’t forget to feed the dog!

AMY- (stunned) We don’t even have a dog

JEFF- What do you think? He’ll let you be you, and he has a big six figure salary!

AMY- My dad never had that. But he was there for me. And he always listened.

JEFF- (shrugs) Well, I’m afraid you’ve put me in an awkward spot. I’ve already shown you all the Dads I have on the lot. The only one left is--

AMY- The only one I need!

 

Amy runs to their Dad.

 

AMY- Dad?

 

Amy holds Dad’s nose. Dad snorts and wakes up.

 

DAD- What the-- What the heck did you do with my TV?
AMY- I love you, Daddy!

 

Amy hugs Dad.

 

DAD- What the heck did you do with my real daughter?

Scotty Love - How to Judge Others

Scotty Love's got a new lesson for you this week, and his friend Randy is along for the ride. Will anyone learn anything in this lesson about judging others? 

Free Skit Monday - Even Bad Guys Love Their Moms

I revisited some old friends this week - Dr. Insidious and Everyman from the Morbidman series. It was like I never quit writing for them, it came so natural. This skit's a little wordy than it probably needs to be, but I love these characters and never seem to run short of things for them to say. Here's a little something for Mother's Day or any other occasion you find to celebrate Mom. 

Even Bad Guys Love Their Moms

A Righteous Insanity Morbidverse Skit

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com/morbidman

 

CHARACTERS

A Narrator

Everyman – An average super hero

Dr. Insidious – A really bad guy

 

NARR: In times of crisis, in times of need, there is one man who will always be there to stand up for truth, justice, and a other good stuff. He is the hero for the common man! He is... Everyman!

 

Everyman enters. He wears a three piece suit and a mask. He strikes a super hero pose.

 

NARR: Everyman is not the fastest super hero.

EVERYMAN: No, I am not!

NARR: He's not the strongest super hero.

EVERYMAN: No, I am not!

NARR: He's not the brightest guy either.

EVERYMAN: I what?

NARR: And he's definitely not the best looking.

EVERYMAN: Oh come on!

NARR: But if evil doers are up to no good, you can be sure Everyman will be there.

EVERYMAN: That's right!

NARR: Probably getting beat up.

EVERYMAN: Now that's just being mean!

 

Dr. Insidious enters with flowers, laughing an evil laugh.

 

EVERYMAN: Well, well, well, if it isn't Dr. Insidious.

INSIDIOUS: Everyman! What are you doing here?

EVERYMAN: I'm here in this supermarket to stop you from committing crime. And to grab a box of Wheaties.

INSIDIOUS: Bleccch! You actually eat that stuff?

EVERYMAN: It's not so bad with bananas, and it gives me the energy I need to bring you to justice.

INSIDIOUS: Keep your mask on, Everyman, I'm not up to no good today.

EVERYMAN: Oh no? Looks to me like you're stealing flowers!

INSIDIOUS: I'm not stealing flowers!

EVERYMAN: You steal everything, you.... you stealer! Remember when you stole the Picasso from the museum?

INSIDIOUS: I was borrowing it for a party.

EVERYMAN: And the Mustang from Tom's Ford?

INSIDIOUS: I took it for a test drive and forgot it wasn't mine.

EVERYMAN: And the time you stole second base?

INSIDIOUS: I was playing softball, you nit wit!

EVERYMAN: I think I proved my point. Now put down those flowers and let's go to jail.

INSIDIOUS: Like I said, Everyman, I'm not stealing flowers. (pulls out a credit card) See? I have my credit card today.

EVERYMAN: Evil Express Card? Member since 1999?

INSIDIOUS: Don't leave home without it.

EVERYMAN: I don't understand. Why would you, the most evil man in all the world, buy flowers?

INSIDIOUS: Because it's Mother's Day!

EVERYMAN: It is?

INSIDIOUS: Good heavens, don't you know your holidays?

EVERYMAN: Crime has no holiday, and neither do I.

INSIDIOUS: I got news for you, Everyman, everybody takes a holiday for Mother's Day. The Joker, Lex Luthor. Even Darth Vader gets all weepy when you bring up his Mommy!

EVERYMAN: But why?

INSIDIOUS: Because Mothers made us who we are! They gave birth to us, they taught us to walk and eat and talk, they taught us right and wrong. Of course, heh, my mother taught me more wrong than right.

EVERYMAN: I can tell.

INSIDIOUS: I owe a lot to my Momma. And you owe a lot to yours. You did get YOUR mother something, didn't you?

EVERYMAN: Well, actually, now that you mention it I...

INSIDIOUS: You didn't???

EVERYMAN: I've been busy lately. There's a lot of crime, and I...

INSIDIOUS: I can't believe it! You didn't get anything for your mother?

EVERYMAN: Like i said, I..

INSIDIOUS: Hold on, hold on. (pulls out his evil cell phone and dials) Hey, Mom? You know that guy Everyman? He didn't get his Mom anything for Mother's Day... I know! And people say I'm evil, right?... Sure, he's right here.

 

Dr. Insidious hands Everyman the phone.

 

INSIDIOUS: She wants to talk to you.

 

Everyman takes the phone.

 

EVERYMAN: Hello?... (Everyman tries to cut in, but Momma Insidious gives him an ear full) But... But I... But... But listen... But... But... Yes, ma'am... Yes, I know she did... Yes, yes, I will... Okay.

 

Everyman hands the phone back to Dr. Insidious.

 

INSIDIOUS: Hi, Mommy, gotta go... I love you too, Mom.

EVERYMAN: Guess I better get some flowers.

INSIDIOUS: You owe it to her. Moms are special people. They deserve the best.

EVERYMAN: Yes, they are.

INSIDIOUS: Today, flowers. Tomorrow, the WORLD!

 

Evil laugh.

 

EVERYMAN: You what?

INSIDIOUS: (covering himself, and his evil plan) I mean... Cookies. Tomorrow, I'll give her cookies. Come on, let's find some flowers for your Mom.

Free Skit Day: If It Feels Good

This is one of my all time favorite skits. It's also one that nearly cost us a big ministry opportunity. We performed this on stage at a large high school convention in Cincinnati as part of a skit show. The adults in the crowd hated us, wanted us yanked off the stage and tossed out the door. In retrospect, maybe we should have prefaced this with an introduction stating that the skit contained SARCASM and was not intended to be taken literally. Or maybe we could have just said, "If you don't get the message, ask a kid to explain it to you."

 

"If It Feels Good" is one of a number of RI skits featured on www.sundayschooldropouts.com. Enjoy.

 

Click to open the script "If It Feels Good"

Scotty Love on Getyoked?

Scotty Love's a married man, so no, he's not looking for love. He IS looking to hook up his good buddy Michael, a single guy who hasn't found God's will for his life yet... at least, that's Scotty's take. 

Here's a bonus clip from The Scotty Love Show for this week. Check out the websites at the end for more funny stuff from Scotty Love and getyoked.net

Scotty Love - The Single Life

With Valentines Day less than a week away, Scotty Love drops an episode devoted to Christian singles. 

Free Skit Monday: The Eviction

A little too "pentecostal" for my normal taste, but believe it or not it was inspired by a scripture and homily spoken in a Catholic church. Great depiction of a Bible scene with humor and drama. 

 

The Eviction

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com

 

CHARACTERS

Rotten, Sleazy, Filthy – Demons

Hector and Donna – Possessed people

Jesus (voice only)

 

Hector enters with Rotten hanging on his back. Donna enters with Sleazy on her back. The demons may either be actually riding piggy back on the actors or just hanging on with their hands or chains. Hector and Donna are downtrodden, sad. They stand somberly, as if they were zombies.

 

ROTTEN: Heh heh, hey, Sleazy, how’s it going?

SLEAZY: Rotten, you old devil, what have you been up to?

ROTTEN: Same as always. Tempting, possessing, running amock!

SLEAZY: Me too, man!

ROTTEN: Isn’t it great, possessing humans?

SLEAZY: Oh it’s the best, man! I love it!

ROTTEN: Hey, you know what does stink about possessing a human?

SLEAZY: What’s that?

ROTTEN: Nothing! Ha ha ha!

 

Filthy runs on, screaming.

 

FILTHY: Help! Help! I need help!

SLEAZY: Filthy? What are you doing here?

FILTHY: I need somewhere to hide! You got room in there?

ROTTEN: Sure, hop on!

 

Filthy grabs on to Hector.

 

FILTHY: Thanks, pal, I owe you one.

ROTTEN: Say what are you doing on this side of town? Weren’t you working that fortune telling girl.

FILTHY: I’m in trouble. I am in so much trouble!

SLEAZY: What’s the matter with you? You look as if you’ve seen an angel.

FILTHY: No, man, this was no angel! Not at all!

ROTTEN: Who was it?

FILTHY: It was HIM!

ROTTEN: Jim?

FILTHY: Not Jim! Him!

SLEAZY: Him who?

FILTHY: What do you mean, him who? It was HIM I tell you, in the living flesh!

ROTTEN: Him who?

FILTHY: The guy we all know who he is but we can’t say his name because it makes us shudder!

 

Rotten and Sleazy gasp.

 

SLEAZY: Not him!

FILTHY: Yes, Him!

ROTTEN: Are you sure it was him?

FILTHY: Of course I’m sure! You think I would have come out of that girl for anyone else? This was no do gooder priest or phony prophet! This was Him, man. How do you say no to him?

SLEAZY: You can’t!

ROTTEN: What’s he doing here?

FILTHY: I don’t know!

ROTTEN: Why is he here?

FILTHY: I don’t know!

SLEAZY: We gotta get out of here! We gotta get these two to cover before he—

JESUS: (voice over) Silence!!!!

 

The demons shriek in terror, looking out over the audience as if they’ve seen Jesus.

 

SLEAZY: What do you want with us, Son of the Most High?

ROTTEN: We know who you are!

JESUS: I said be quiet!

FILTHY: Do not send us into the abyss! We beg you!

JESUS: Come out of them! NOW!

 

The demons scream and run away. Hector and Donna drop to their knees. The two shake their heads, stand, as if waking from a stupor. Donna looks up at Jesus. She nudges Hector on the arm and points to Jesus.

 

JESUS: It’s safe now. They won’t bother you any more. Go, and leave your life of sin.

 

Fade to black. 

 

Want to be a sketch writer? Here's what you need to watch

If you want to be a comedy sketch writer, here are the people you need to watch:

  

Nichols and May - Best sketch comedy duo ever. Period. The two were known for building hilarious sketches with the audience giving them only the first and last lines of the scene. They released three albums of their work, and a number of sketches are popping up on Youtube lately. They are the gold standard.

 

Monty Python - After SNL, probably the most famous sketch show ever featuring an incredibly talented ensemble. Versatile, clever, unpredictable, the Pythons pushed the bounds fo sketch comedy further than it had ever been pushed before. If you want an extra treat, look up At Last the 1948 Show, a sketch show with John Cleese, Graham Chapman, and Marty Feldman that preceded Monty Python.

 

Saturday Night Live - The current cast seems to have hit a groove and realyl connected with an audience. That said, you need to check out the original cast (75-79) and the second golden age cast (87-93) that include Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Phil Hartman, Adam Sandler, and Chris Farley. I'd also recommend looking up the 84-85 season when Martin Short, Christopher Guest, and Billy Crystal came in for a year. Lorne doesn't play a lot of that stuff because he wasn't the boss then, but they made some of the funniest sketches ever including my all time favorite, the male synchronized swimmers.

 

The Kentucky Fried Movie - The first feature film from the guys who went on to make Airplane and the Naked Gun movies was a sketch compilation featuring some hilariously over the top stuff. The 80's film Amazon Women on the Moon is sort of a follow up to this one. It's not as funny but still has some memorable bits, including the funeral roast and David Alan Grier as a man born without Soul. Both films are rated R for a reason. Not for the easily offended.

 

Piper's Pit - Rowdy Roddy Piper set the standard for every other wrestler hosted chat/sketch show that followed. No one is his equal. Roddy's stuff was usually unscripted. He knew how to provoke a guest and an audience. Very effective at working a crowd. The Rock was probably the one other man who could move a crowd in the same way. He never had a "show" like Piper, and most of his bits were solo, but many of his promos are legendary and worth a look.

 

In Living Color - This show was really the anti-SNL. It featured an African American cast with two token white cast members - one of which happened to be Jim Carrey. It was also taped, and unlike SNL, upstaging and improvisation were encouraged. Damon Wayans, David Alan Grier, and Jim Carrey became overnight stars when the show premiered, but In Living Color really peaked in season three with the arrival of Jamie Foxx and the show's funnest character, Ugly Girl. Word up!

 

The State - The show that influenced me the most in my early years of writing. Shades of the Pythons and SNL can be seen in their work, which is loud, over the top, self-deprecating, and shameless. Cast members went on to produce Reno 911, Viva Variety, and Wet Hot American Summer, and Thomas Lennon and Ben Garrant are two of the hottest screenwriters going today.

 

Mr. Show - The crudest of the shows listed here by far, Bob Odenkirk and David Cross put together a show that took sketch writing to a new level as an art form. Other cast members included Sarah Silverman, and Brian Posehn, and the voice of Spongebob, Tom Kenney. Their sketches flow together much like the Python sketches did, and repeated viewings give you a much broader picture of what each episode is really about. These guys also took profanity to new levels, so again, not for the easily offended.