Easter will be here before you know it. Here's a simple skit you can use this season, if you like it.
Hollow Man
By John Cosper
CHARACTERS
Seth- A broken-hearted single guy
Bunny- A chocolate bunny (voiced from off stage)
The setting is a guy's apartment. There's a table and a few chairs set up on stage. Seth walks on with a shopping bag. He pulls a boxed, chocolate bunny out of the bag. He sets the bunny on the table, looks at it, as he fumbles in his pocket for his cell phone. He hits speed dial and puts the phone to his ear... and waits.
SETH: Him, Heather, it's Seth. I, uh... well, Happy Easter, first of all. I hope you're having a good one. I miss you. I... If you were going to be home, I was gonna drop by just for a minute and...
He picks up the bunny.
SETH: Well, if you feel like a visit, give me a call. (pause) Bye.
He clicks off the phone and sits down, defeated.
SETH: I shouldn't have called her. Shouldn't have called, shouldn't have left a message.
He looks at the bunny, talks to it.
SETH: Shouldn't have bothered with you in the first place.
He starts to open the box with the bunny.
SETH: Maybe the guys are right. She's not coming back. I should just accept it and move on, right? But I can't move on. How do you move on from someone you saw every day for two years?
He pulls the bunny out, speaks directly to it.
SETH: Two years, Mr. Bunny. Or whatever you name is. (He picks up the box.) Wiggles. (shakes his head) She would have liked you, you know. Few things in this world she loved more than a hollow chocolate bunny. Maybe if she knew how hollow I felt right now, she'd take me back. (thinks) Why didn't I tell her that? (looks at the bunny) Because that's the dumbest thing any guy has ever said ever. Well, her loss, I guess. Can't let a bunny go to waste.
He starts to take a bite. The bunny - voiced by an actor off stage on a mic in an East coast accent, speaks up.
BUNNY: STOP!!!
Seth jumps slightly. He looks around.
SETH: Phil? That you?
Seth waits for an answer. There is none. He moves to take a bite.
BUNNY: I said STOP!!!
Seth looks around again.
SETH: Phil, what's going on?
BUNNY: Phil's not here, pal. Just you and me.
SETH: Me who?
BUNNY: The guy who's had to listen to you gripe ever since you pulled me off the shelf at Walgreens.
Seth looks at the bunny.
BUNNY: That's right, now he gets it.
SETH: I'm hallucinating. I'm hearing voices. And I haven't even been drinking.
BUNNY: You're not hallucinating. But you do got problems.
SETH: I'll say.
BUNNY: You got a hole inside you, you said. You feel as empty as a chocolate bunny. But if you think eating me is gonna solve things, you're looking in the wrong place.
SETH: What do you know?
BUNNY: I'm an Easter bunny. The whole reason for my existence is a day in which millions of people have found something to fill the hole inside them.
SETH: It is?
BUNNY: Well, not directly. The people at the chocolate factory were planning to make a profit off my demise. But Easter is Easter, and the resurrection is still the one and only answer for empty folks such as yourself.
SETH: Wow, this is just great. A chocolate bunny is preaching to me.
BUNNY: Don't think of it as preaching. Just some friendly advice. You eat me, you're gonna be hungry again soon. You'll still be as hollow as me, and you'll still have that hole in your heart that you tried to fill with that girl.
SETH: She did fill it.
BUNNY: Honestly? Did she really fill you up? Come on, Seth, it's me.
SETH: (pause) No.
BUNNY: No. I tell you, even if she wanted to get back together, you'd still have a hole. There's only one cure for what ails you, pal, and it's the man that left a hollow grave behind and rose again. You get ahold of that guy, you got something that will fill the deepest part of you.
SETH: I haven't thought about him in years.
BUNNY: He hasn't gone a day without thinking of you.
SETH: Yeah?
BUNNY: For crying out loud, Seth, you think a chocolate bunny would be speaking to you if there wasn't some cosmic being beyond what you can see crying out for you to embrace him?
SETH: If I had anything stronger than coffee in me, I'd say yes. But since I don't...
BUNNY: Look, I can't tell you what to do. But if I was you, I'd put me down, get in that car, and get down to a church. Give it a shot, right? It is Easter.
SETH: I know.
BUNNY: Who's it gonna hurt?
SETH: I don't have anything nice to wear.
BUNNY: Just go, Seth. Jesus doesn't care how you look. He just wants you to go.
SETH: Okay, okay, I'll go.
Seth stands up, fishing in his pocked for his keys.
BUNNY: That's my boy.
SETH: I'm still gonna eat you, you know.
BUNNY: Really, Seth, you would do that to me?
SETH: Sorry, Wiggles, but I haven't had breakfast.
Seth takes a bite as the Bunny yelps.
BUNNY: Hey, those were my ears!
Seth exits with the bunny in hand.
SETH: Sorry, pal.
BUNNY: What did you say?
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