Very funny Weekend Update style monologue from Sunday School Dropouts, perfect for last minute comedy needs on Christmas week.
Happy Holidays, All of Them
By Jack Hall
www.sundayschooldropouts.com
CHARACTERS
Pastor
Presenter
Note: This is a just for fun piece intended to make people chill out about the whole Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays thing. While this writer certainly believes in wishing people a Merry Christmas, he thinks that the people who are militant about it need to just relax a little, live and let live, and get back to being like Christ (who, by the way, was celebrating Hanukkah this time of year when he was alive). This can be done during service, recorded as a video, or used in any number of ways. It's tongue in cheek piece written in the style of a classic SNL Weekend Update piece, not to be taken too seriously, but it can lead into a sermon if you so choose. You can have a pastor or deacon introduce as written below, or create your own intro.
PASTOR: And now, before we go on with our worship for this morning, a brief word from (Insert name of presenter here) about the upcoming holidays.
PRESENTER: Thank you, pastor.
You know, folks, there's been a lot of talk the last few years about the switch from saying Merry Christmas to Happy Holidays. A lot of Christians are upset about this change because to them, the season is all about Christmas. The fact is there are many people who don't celebrate Christmas and choose to celebrate other holidays, which is why the politically correct among us have pushed so hard for the Happy Holidays switch. Now, I think most of us Christians would be fine with hearing a "Happy Hanukkah" or "Happy Kwanzaa" in return of their "Merry Christmas," but the problem is we're not just talking about "the big three." There are many other holidays to consider this time of year, and depending who you are, they matter just as much.
First of all, there's New Years. New Years comes a week after Christmas, and considering all the ramifications that come with ringing in a new year, one week seems hardly enough time to give this holiday its due. So when you wish someone a Happy Holidays, you're wishing them a happy New Year along with whatever special holiday they observe.
And then there's Boxing Day. I know you've all seen that on your calendars on December 26th. Boxing Day isn't so big here in the States, but it's a national holiday for our neighbor up north, Canada. So when you say, "Merry Christmas" to a Canadian, you're only wishing them half the happiness they could have if you said, "Happy Holidays."
Canada's not the only nation to consider the 26th a special day. For example, did you know that the nation of North Korea December 26th is celebrated as Table Tennis Day? It's true. The former Soviet republic of Georgia celebrates Water Polo Day on the 26th. And in the country of Tanzania, they celebrate Tetherball Day. Apparently it's pretty big over there.
The gymnastics loving nation of Romania celebrates Floor Exercise Day, the same day the people on the island of American Samoa gathers to celebrate Thumb Wrestling Day. In Iceland, all the children gather to celebrate Simon Says Day, and in some parts of Vietnam, December 26 is known as, you guessed it, Hungry Hungry Hippo Day.
Even within larger nations, there are smaller regions that attach a special meaning to December 26th. On the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico, you'll find it hard to get service in a restaurant as the people stop to celebrate Hide and Seek Day. The people of Tibet gather together in small groups and get a little crazy on Charades Day. And in the southern German province of Bavaria, the children enjoy the ride home from grandma's as they celebrate (this is spelled phonetically for those who don't speak German, but it's still gibberish) "Poonchen-Voggen Tog" - or, in English, Punch Buggy Day.
So don't knock it when someone tells you at work to wish your clients a Happy Holidays. Yes, I know it's Merry Christmas to you, but you you inadvertently wish an immigrant from Outer Mongolia a Happy Holidays, not only will you make his day, you'll make December 26th the Happiest Paper Rock Scissors Day he ever had.
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