Stirring Creatures
By John Cosper
CHARACTERS
Narrator
The Mouse
The Spouse - a wife
The Louse - a husband
NARR- Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was
stirring. Not even a mouse.
(The Mouse enters, stirring a bowl of cookie dough.)
MOUSE- Hey, what's all the racket?
NARR- What are you doing out here?
MOUSE- Me? I'm waiting up for Santy Claus. What's it look like?
NARR- Well, it looks like you're a mouse, and you're stirring.
MOUSE- Wow, you are a genius. Isn't she a genius?
NARR- Will you get out of here?
MOUSE- Why?
NARR- You're ruining my story.
MOUSE- Well, ex-CUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEE!!! I was just baking some cookies.
NARR- Why?
MOUSE- Because that's what you do on Christmas Eve! Duh!!!
NARR- But not in this story. It says not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
MOUSE- Wow, singling out the mouse. What prejudice!
(The Spouse enters, also stirring in a bowl.)
SPOUSE- What's going on?
NARR- Who are you?
SPOUSE- I'm the lady of the house. I live here with my husband.
NARR- So you are?
SPOUSE- The spouse.
NARR- And you're stirring too?
SPOUSE- Sure am! It's Christmas. Gotta make Christmas cookies!
NARR- Oh, but you're ruining my story! The story says, not a creature was stirring--
SPOUSE- Are you calling me a creature? Like some monster?
MOUSE- I heard it!
SPOUSE- You hear her insulting me?
MOUSE- A lil bit, yeah.
SPOUSE- I don't like you. Hank!!
(The Louse enters, stirring.)
NARR- Oh, who are you?
LOUSE- I'm Hank.
SPOUSE- This is my husband?
NARR- Your husband?
SPOUSE- The louse.
LOUSE- Who's is dis?
NARR- I was trying to tell a Christmas story. But seeing that everyone in this house, the
mouse, the spouse, and the louse, are all STIRRING, I'm just going to have to go elsewhere.
LOUSE- No, no, don't do that. Stick around and make cookies with us.
NARR- Really?
SPOUSE- Sure. And later, we'll watch the Grinch while the cookies bake!
NARR- Cool!
LOUSE- C'mon into the kitchen. Hey, you wanna stir my batch? My arm's gettin' tired!
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