MARTY: Pardon me, sir? Are you the proprietor of this establishment?
JACOB: I am Jacob, owner if the inn.
MARTY: Marty Silvers, Silvers Entertainment. A pleasure to meet you.
JACOB: A pleasure to meet you.
MARTY: Listen, Jake, I'm no good at this chit chat, so I'll cut right to the chase. How much to rent out your entire hotel?
JACOB: Hotel?
MARTY: The inn, baby, I want to rent the whole thing.
JACOB: The whole inn?
MARTY: The whole joint, top to bottom! I'm investor, and I'm here to strike a deal on the most valuable property in history.
JACOB: You speak strangely. And you dress strange too.
MARTY: Strange? My boy, this is high fashion where I come from. You see, I'm from the future.
JACOB: The future?
MARTY: Two thousand years, give or take a decade. We've invented time travel, and as one of the first to take advantage of this technology, I am here to turn your little inn into one of the greatest tourist destinations in history!
JACOB: Here? In Bethlehem?
MARTY: That's right, O Little Town of Bethlehem! Of destiny! Don't you know this is the very spot where the Christ child will be born?
JACOB: The who?
MARTY: The chosen one! The Messiah! Big JC himself! Why, sir, you are sitting on the most valuable piece of tourism real estate outside of Disney World!
JACOB: I do not understand any of this. I'm just an innkeeper, hoping to make a nice profit during the coming census from the people traveling back--
MARTY: Now seriously, I need to rent the place out. And with your permission, we're going to make some changes around here. Put in a restaurant, some games, a few rides, and of course, a gift shop.
JACOB: Gift shop?
MARTY: Naturally, as proprietor, we'll cut you in on a piece of the action. Say, two percent of the net?
JACOB: Two percent of what?
MARTY: Playing hardball, huh? Okay, two and a half. Plus, we'll pay you for the rental space while we do the renovations.
JACOB: For the whole inn?
MARTY: Name the price, it's yours.
JACOB: Any price?
MARTY: Come on, how much of this Monopoly money do you want? Two bags of silver? Three?
Marty puts his money on the counter. Jacob looks it over silently. A greedy smile creeps over his face.
JACOB: The inn is all yours.
MARTY: I knew you were a sharp guy! Okay, we'll need the first floor rooms for the construction crew. The hospitality staff will use the second floor for lodging until the condos are built, and we'll put the dancing girls from the floor show on level three. Naturally, I'll need your office to serve as the construction headquarters.
JACOB: Naturally. (shrugs; he has no clue)
MARTY: (whistles off stage) Grab your things, people, we're moving in!
A host of extras enter dancing girls carrying luggage, construction workers, etc. Two lead construction guys come in with hard hats and blue prints. One of them brings Marty a hard hat. The extras chatter amongst themselves as they pass through from one end of the stage (the inn entrance) to the other (the rest of the inn).
MARTY: Ladies from the floor show, third floor. All new hires and trainees, second floor. Construction crew, you're on level one. Let's go, people, we have magic to make!
Marty unfurls the blueprints. Joseph enters, walks to Jacob, who is counting his money.
MARTY: All right, boys, here's the plan. The the south wing is where we'll build Shepherd Land. We'll turn the East Wing into Wise Man Land. And Angel Land will be over here, right next to the roller coaster, King Herod's Wild Ride.
CONSTRUCTION GUY: I thought that was called Flight to Egypt.
MARTY: No, no, no, that's the log ride.
Marty continues to pantomime giving directions to his construction crew as Joseph speaks to Jacob. Jacob never even looks up at Joseph, too busy counting money.
JOSEPH: Excuse me, do you have any rooms? I've just come a long way for the census, and my wife--
JACOB: Sorry, all booked up.
JOSEPH: But my wife is having a baby.
JACOB: Lots of other inns in town, bud.
JOSEPH: They're all booked up. Please, I need a place to stay.
JACOB: You got two silver coins, you can sleep in the stable.
Joseph pays the man.
(Note: the dancer's speaking line is optional; you can cut to Marty's last line and end without it.)
One of the dancers steps forward.
DANCER: Okay, so this is not how it really happened. (looks around) But if he came today, you can see it, can't you?
The dancer keeps on walking.
MARTY: Come on, people, we need the restaurant and the theater open for business before the first visitors arrive! Remember, Christmas only comes once in history!
Recent Comments