Finally, I get a chance to share the sad tale of my Kindergarten crush with the world. Inspired by the sermon I heard at Sojourn last weekend.
What’s it Like?
By John Cosper
CHARACTERS
Jeff- A single guy
Twila- A kindergartener
Renee- A dramatic teenager
Jeff enters.
JEFF: So what's it like being in a relationship with God? (wistfully, as if it were the best ever) I'll tell you one thing, it's nothing like my relationship with my first girlfriend. Her name was Twila, and she was the most beautiful girl in Kindergarten. Ahh, Twila. The moment I saw her, I knew it was love.
Twila enters.
JEFF: I can still remember the sweet things she used to say to me every time we sat down for story time.
TWILA: Don't sit by me!
JEFF: She liked to play hard to get, Twila. But I knew it was just a game. After story time, we'd head for arts and crafts, and she's say to me...
TWILA: I said, don't sit by me!
JEFF: And I'll never forget the sweet thing she used to say when i shared my snack with her.
TWILA: I told you I don't want your yucky Good N Plentys!
Twila exits.
JEFF: Of course now I know that wasn't real love. You can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't want one. And try as I might, I would never have come close to God if he didn't want me. Twila can't shoot lightning. God can. On the other hand, just because someone loves you doesn't mean you're going to love them back. Back in high school, I met this girl named Renee. I told her I liked her Star Wars backpack. Then this happened.
Renee enters with an attitude.
RENEE: Jeff! I've been calling you every twenty minutes! Why didn't you answer my call?
JEFF: Well, I was--
RENEE: Are you seeing another woman?
JEFF: What?
RENEE: Tell me who it is!
JEFF: But I--
RENEE: It's Megan isn't it? You're still in love with her, and now that we're together, she can't stand it!
JEFF: Renee--
RENEE: She hate Star Wars! You know that, right?
JEFF: Renee! There is no other woman because there is no you and I!
RENEE: (aghast) You're dumping me?
JEFF: Technically, no, but I--
RENEE: Well you're not going to date me if you date her!
JEFF: Renee, I'm not--
RENEE: What's it going to be, Jeff? Megan or me?
JEFF: Come on, Renee!
RENEE: I can't take this indecision!
JEFF: Renee, we were never together! I don't like you! I never did!
RENEE: Then what do you call what we had?
JEFF: Well, the word stalker comes to mind.
RENEE: I hate you, Jeff! I never want to see you again.
JEFF: Promise?
RENEE: (clings to him, doing a 180) I'm so sorry! I don't know why I said all those things!
JEFF: I do.
RENEE: Please don't leave me!
JEFF: Please let go.
RENEE: I'll never let go!
JEFF: You're hurting my neck.
RENEE: I'll die without you!
JEFF: Renee, Renee! Can I go on with the drama?
Renee looks at the audience. She smiles, embarrassed, and lets Jeff go.
RENEE: We'll talk about this over lunch.
JEFF: (sort of under his breath) No we won't.
Renee leaves.
RENEE: I'll be at Applebees.
JEFF: I'll be at Taco Bell. (to audience) God didn't come at me like that. Yes, he really did die for me, but he didn't try to force me to love him. He made a way for us to be together. Then he invited me to choose him. It's crazy, I know. I mean, what do I have to give him? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Yet he loves me, and he wants me to be his. What's it's like to have a relationship with God? He loved me enough to die for me. How could I not love him back?
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