Feels good to be writing skits again. Been a while. Might be able to use this a few different ways - including just for laughs. Enjoy!
Chips-R-Us
By John Cosper
CHARACTERS
Chip- A commercial spokesman
Bob- A rough kind of guy
CHIP: The V-chip was a revolution in technology that allowed concerned parents to finally have control over what their children were watching on television. But while the V-chip was able to keep kids from accessing offensive content on television, it was unable to block offensiveness and immorality in the world around us. That's why we at Chips-R-Us technologies developed the P-chip! Here's how it works. We implant a microchip inside the ear through a simple, non-invasive but over-priced surgical procedure. Then the next time you cut somebody off in traffic, this is what you'll hear:
Bob enters.
BOB: (screaming, as if furiously angry) Hey, friend! I hope you have a nice day and you go someplace really nice!
CHIP: Amazing, isn't it? You'll never have to hear a potty word again, thanks to the P-chip. And we're not stopping there! Tired of all the negative political rhetoric these days? Then you should also get the PC-chip. Never again will you have to listen to hate-filled, biased, and inflammatory political talk, conservative or liberal.
BOB: The president is a mammal.
Bob and Chip look at each other and shrug.
CHIP: For those of you men struggling with lust, and those of you ladies who are tired of seeing your husband check out other women, we're introducing the G-chip! This amazing microchip is implanted just inside the corneas, and it is guaranteed to keep you from seeing anything even remotely racy or sexy!
Chip hands Bob a magazine. Bob opens the magazine.
BOB: What's going on here? I can't see! I've gone blind!!! My grandma was right!!!
Bob drops the magazine.
BOB: Oh, there we go.
CHIP: Yes, not only can microchip technology keep you from being offended, it can keep you from doing the wrong thing. Struggling with finances? Try the D-chip, a microchip tied to your bank account that will give you an electric shock every time you use your credit card.
Sound effect of an electrical charge. The lights should dim a little as well. Bob shakes as if being electrocuted.
BOB: What was that?
CHIP: Your monthly recurring charge for Internet access.
BOB: Is it the 15th already?
CHIP: And if youstruggle with over-eating, we also offer the Mickey D-chip, designed to give you an electric shock any time you even think about eating something unhealthy. Want some French fries, Bob?
BOB: Sure.
Sound effect of an electrical charge. The lights should dim a little as well. Bob shakes as if being electrocuted.
BOB: (seriously hurt, a little afraid) Maybe just a salad.
CHIP: Finally, we come to the most powerful chip of all - the Z-chip! This amazing microchip allows you to hear the truth, no matter how hard someone tries to lie to you.
Molly enters.
MOLLY: Bob!!!
BOB: Oh no.
MOLLY: I waited three hours for you to pick me up and take me bowling! Where were you last night?
BOB: I was out bowling... with Susan.
Molly slaps Bob and walks off.
MOLLY: (angry) I never want to see you again, you nice, well-dressed fellow!
BOB: (angry) Go to some place nice, you smart, intelligent, capable woman!!
CHIP: Yes, who needs free will when you can have microchips do all the work for you? Give is a call today at Chips-R-Us because let's face it - you're just not strong enough on your own.
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