Righteous Insanity

Long Road to Bethlehem - New Christmas Play for Free

Righteous Insanity's new Christmas play finally has a name: Long Road to Bethlehem. 

As the name indicates, this play tells the full story of Christmas. But rather than beginning with the angel and Mary, this one starts in the Garden of Eden. From Adam to Joseph, audiences are taken through the genealogy of Christ, and the full story of God's love for man is unveiled through the stories of Noah, Abraham, Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, David, and more. 

This small cast, minimal set play is designed to be easy to stage. It's fast paced, funny, and touching where it needs to be. Best of all, it's totally free to test drive this Christmas season. 

If you're looking for a play for your youth group or adults and would like to give it a look, please email john@righteousinsanity.com to get a copy sent to your inbox. 

If I wrote for Family Guy...

I love the throw away bits they do on Family Guy when they cut to someone watching television and we come in on the middle of a program, like Vince Vaughn and Susan Sarandon in "Two People Who Always Look Tired." I had an idea for one myself.

 

ANNOUNCER: We now return to Keanu Reeves and Kevin Costner in "Two Men Who Couldn't Act to Save Their Life."

KEANU: I know kung fu.

 

Gun shot. Sound of a body hitting the floor.

 

GUN MAN: Your turn, Mr. Costner. Your line is, "I'll breathe for both of us." You have three chances. Go.

Christmas Script Sale - Two More Days!

Two more days to save on everything in our Christmas script catalog. Go to http://shop.righteousinsanity.com to get skits, plays, and more for the upcoming holiday season! 

New Skit - "What It's Like"

Finally, I get a chance to share the sad tale of my Kindergarten crush with the world. Inspired by the sermon I heard at Sojourn last weekend. 

What’s it Like?

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com

 

CHARACTERS

Jeff- A single guy

Twila- A kindergartener

Renee- A dramatic teenager

 

Jeff enters.

 

JEFF: So what's it like being in a relationship with God? (wistfully, as if it were the best ever) I'll tell you one thing, it's nothing like my relationship with my first girlfriend. Her name was Twila, and she was the most beautiful girl in Kindergarten. Ahh, Twila. The moment I saw her, I knew it was love.

 

Twila enters.

 

JEFF: I can still remember the sweet things she used to say to me every time we sat down for story time.

TWILA: Don't sit by me!

JEFF: She liked to play hard to get, Twila. But I knew it was just a game. After story time, we'd head for arts and crafts, and she's say to me...

TWILA: I said, don't sit by me!

JEFF: And I'll never forget the sweet thing she used to say when i shared my snack with her.

TWILA: I told you I don't want your yucky Good N Plentys!

 

Twila exits.

 

JEFF: Of course now I know that wasn't real love. You can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't want one. And try as I might, I would never have come close to God if he didn't want me. Twila can't shoot lightning. God can. On the other hand, just because someone loves you doesn't mean you're going to love them back. Back in high school, I met this girl named Renee. I told her I liked her Star Wars backpack. Then this happened.

 

Renee enters with an attitude.

 

RENEE: Jeff! I've been calling you every twenty minutes! Why didn't you answer my call?

JEFF: Well, I was--

RENEE: Are you seeing another woman?

JEFF: What?

RENEE: Tell me who it is!

JEFF: But I--

RENEE: It's Megan isn't it? You're still in love with her, and now that we're together, she can't stand it!

JEFF: Renee--

RENEE: She hate Star Wars! You know that, right?

JEFF: Renee! There is no other woman because there is no you and I!

RENEE: (aghast) You're dumping me?

JEFF: Technically, no, but I--

RENEE: Well you're not going to date me if you date her!

JEFF: Renee, I'm not--

RENEE: What's it going to be, Jeff? Megan or me?

JEFF: Come on, Renee!

RENEE: I can't take this indecision!

JEFF: Renee, we were never together! I don't like you! I never did!

RENEE: Then what do you call what we had?

JEFF: Well, the word stalker comes to mind.

RENEE: I hate you, Jeff! I never want to see you again.

JEFF: Promise?

RENEE: (clings to him, doing a 180) I'm so sorry! I don't know why I said all those things!

JEFF: I do.

RENEE: Please don't leave me!

JEFF: Please let go.

RENEE: I'll never let go!

JEFF: You're hurting my neck.

RENEE: I'll die without you!

JEFF: Renee, Renee! Can I go on with the drama?

 

Renee looks at the audience. She smiles, embarrassed, and lets Jeff go.

 

RENEE: We'll talk about this over lunch.

JEFF: (sort of under his breath) No we won't.

 

Renee leaves.

 

RENEE: I'll be at Applebees.

JEFF: I'll be at Taco Bell. (to audience) God didn't come at me like that. Yes, he really did die for me, but he didn't try to force me to love him. He made a way for us to be together. Then he invited me to choose him. It's crazy, I know. I mean, what do I have to give him? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Yet he loves me, and he wants me to be his. What's it's like to have a relationship with God? He loved me enough to die for me. How could I not love him back?

 

Bed Times Stories and Mixing Things Up

Bed time stories are now a well-established ritual at my house. Some nights it's Bible stories, some nights it's fairy tales. The favorite fairy tale of late has been the Three Little Pigs.

It could easily get boring telling the same story every night, but I've found little ways to keep it interesting. My kids not only know the Three Little Pigs, they also know the Land Shark sketch from SNL. They know parts of it word for word. So some nights the little piggies hear a different voice from the Big Bad Wolf: "Candy gram!"

My kids also know comedian Brother Dave Gardner's story about the haunted house. It's a bit more oscure than Land Shark, I know, but their daddy was well versed in comedy (thanks to his daddy), so they got to learn "Is you gonna be here when John gets here?" early on as well. And some nights, the monsters from the haunted house show up looking for John in place of the Big Bad Wolf. The monsters have also turned up in several bed time stories involving another night time favorite, Scooby Doo.

The kids love when characters from other stories pop up in the three pigs, but they also love the completely random. My son's favorite villain lately has been the Big Bad Chicken. Sometimes the Chicken gets burned in the chimney. Sometimes he falls in a frying pan and gets turned into fried chicken. He's also been eaten by the Big Bad Wolf, the Land Shark, and the monsters looking for John.

Every night there's a new twist. It's never the same - except for the times when they demand it. It's always fun.

Variety doesn't mean you have to completely change everything every time. A little twist here, a surprise there, you give kids just enough change up to keep them listening - and learning. Something to think about when planning your ministry programs.

Hypocrisy is no excuse for unbelief

Some deep thoughts I had while prepping Clive and the gang for a video shoot. 

Jesus himself claimed to be God’s son. Only he is divine; only he is without blame. Jesus made this claim with his words, and he confirmed it by his actions. He asks us to accept that he and he alone is perfect, and therefore the perfect atonement for our sins.

Jesus made no such claims in regards to his followers. In fact a close examination of the gospel reveals very clearly the kinds of people who will follow Jesus. They are rebels, scoundrels, liars, hypocrites, tax cheats, and more. They are sinners saved by grace. They go to church, they serve the needy, they share their faith. And they still sin because they are, by nature sinners.

Therefore the man who rejects Christ based on the hypocrisy and sin of his people is a man who has not clearly understood the message of Christ. Jesus did not say, “Believe in me, and you will be made perfect like my followers.” He said, “If I can save sinners like these, think what I can do for a wretch like you.”

I’m not writing this to let the saved off the hook for their sins. They will be held to account for being hypocrites. But any man who uses that hypocrisy as his basis for rejecting Christ will also be called to account. 

Five Questions with Austin Nichols

Austin Nichols is a musician, a writer, an actor, a film maker, an entrepreneur, and a minister to youth. He's a true Renaissance man, and it's been my pleasure to collaborate with him on a few projects, including the video Worship Crashers. I asked Austin the same five questions I recently asked Chuck Neighbors. Here are Austin's responses: 

1. SNL or Monty Python? 

Saturday night live appeals to the dumber american in me, but i really like the off-center british humor of MP, it's riotously funny.

2. Favorite skit? 

I like the monty python skit where the guy is in a house and a bunch of stuff starts accidentally happening - the clock falling, the maid stabbing herself - the policeman falling out the window - the house falling down.

3. What actor has influenced you the most as a performer? 

There are many actors I like - but the actor that influences me most is Austin Nichols.....not the one from the day after tomorrow, me.

4. Any good stories of a performance gone wrong you'd like to share? 

One time i was at an improv show and in the skit, the guys were egging this other guy on to hit someone, and when "hitting" him, he really made contact and gave the guy a bloody nose. 

5. What advice do you have for someone who wants to do drama ministry full time? 

Make sure you have a second job. 

Righteous Insanity Fall Film Projects

Here's a look at what's in production at Righteous Insanity FIlms this fall:

 

"A Christmas Gift for Beulah"

A puppet romantic comedy for the holidays. The film was wrapped and finished last winter, but it was too late for Christmas 2010. This one will finally get its release in October.

 

"The Lonely Dead"

Now in post, this is Clive the Zombie's most sensitive, touching performance yet. Think "I Am Legend," except with one zombie left in a world now over-run with humans who are not only immune to the zombie virus, they're also a bunch of jerks. Likely release date in the fall of 2011.

 

"Fluffy 1947"

This could easily be called "Fluffy 4: The Dead Horse Will Be Beaten." I wrote the first draft of this at the same time I wrote Fluffy 3, and while I later turned it into a short story, it wouldn't leave me alone. Rhyan Sprague, Sonny Burnette, and Jerry Williams have all been cast in the new film which is sort of a prequel to the original trilogy, with Toni Willoughby Sprague acting as a producer for the modern part of the film and Jonathan Jones producing and directing the 1947 sequences. Releasing in 2012.

 

"Zombies R Forever"

Sonny Burnette, Daniel Emery Taylor, and Caroline O'Neil are back as the Sheriff, the Deputy, and Gram Gram in this sequel to "Zombies R Friends." This film takes on the cult of celebrity as a young pop star decides to make freeing zombies his pet political cause. Jon Driver plays the young pop star. He also composed and performed the song everyone will be singing in 2012, "I'm a Zombie, You're a Zombie." Releasing in 2012.

 

I'm planning a Clive the Zombie DVD release in 2012, along with a new Fluffy DVD compilation to include the new prequel. You can also expect to see some random puppet shorts and some new Getyoked videos, as I get a chance to shoot them along the way.

 

There are no major film projects on the slate in 2012. In fact, I may be going a completely different route in the new year as far as media production. More news on that if and when it happens.

New skit - "Chips-R-Us"

Feels good to be writing skits again. Been a while. Might be able to use this a few different ways - including just for laughs. Enjoy! 

Chips-R-Us

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com

 

CHARACTERS

Chip- A commercial spokesman

Bob- A rough kind of guy

 

CHIP: The V-chip was a revolution in technology that allowed concerned parents to finally have control over what their children were watching on television. But while the V-chip was able to keep kids from accessing offensive content on television, it was unable to block offensiveness and immorality in the world around us. That's why we at Chips-R-Us technologies developed the P-chip! Here's how it works. We implant a microchip inside the ear through a simple, non-invasive but over-priced surgical procedure. Then the next time you cut somebody off in traffic, this is what you'll hear:

 

Bob enters.

 

BOB: (screaming, as if furiously angry) Hey, friend! I hope you have a nice day and you go someplace really nice!

CHIP: Amazing, isn't it? You'll never have to hear a potty word again, thanks to the P-chip. And we're not stopping there! Tired of all the negative political rhetoric these days? Then you should also get the PC-chip. Never again will you have to listen to hate-filled, biased, and inflammatory political talk, conservative or liberal.

BOB: The president is a mammal.

 

Bob and Chip look at each other and shrug.

 

CHIP: For those of you men struggling with lust, and those of you ladies who are tired of seeing your husband check out other women, we're introducing the G-chip! This amazing microchip is implanted just inside the corneas, and it is guaranteed to keep you from seeing anything even remotely racy or sexy!

 

Chip hands Bob a magazine. Bob opens the magazine.

 

BOB: What's going on here? I can't see! I've gone blind!!! My grandma was right!!!

 

Bob drops the magazine.

 

BOB: Oh, there we go.

CHIP: Yes, not only can microchip technology keep you from being offended, it can keep you from doing the wrong thing. Struggling with finances? Try the D-chip, a microchip tied to your bank account that will give you an electric shock every time you use your credit card.

 

Sound effect of an electrical charge. The lights should dim a little as well. Bob shakes as if being electrocuted.

 

BOB: What was that?

CHIP: Your monthly recurring charge for Internet access.

BOB: Is it the 15th already?  

CHIP: And if youstruggle with over-eating, we also offer the Mickey D-chip, designed to give you an electric shock any time you even think about eating something unhealthy. Want some French fries, Bob?

BOB: Sure.

 

Sound effect of an electrical charge. The lights should dim a little as well. Bob shakes as if being electrocuted.

 

BOB: (seriously hurt, a little afraid) Maybe just a salad.

CHIP: Finally, we come to the most powerful chip of all - the Z-chip! This amazing microchip allows you to hear the truth, no matter how hard someone tries to lie to you.

 

Molly enters.

 

MOLLY: Bob!!!

BOB: Oh no.

MOLLY: I waited three hours for you to pick me up and take me bowling! Where were you last night?

BOB: I was out bowling... with Susan.

 

Molly slaps Bob and walks off.

 

MOLLY: (angry) I never want to see you again, you nice, well-dressed fellow!

BOB: (angry) Go to some place nice, you smart, intelligent, capable woman!!

CHIP: Yes, who needs free will when you can have microchips do all the work for you? Give is a call today at Chips-R-Us because let's face it - you're just not strong enough on your own.

 

Classic Skit: A Little Skit About Jack and Diane

I had a car named Diane, named for the mysterious character from Twin Peaks. No surprise then that this is one of my favorite skits. 

A LITTLE SKIT ABOUT JACK AND DIANE

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com

 

CHARACTERS

Mildred- A narrator, a cute young woman

Jack- A guy who loves a car named Diane

Jim- Mildred's ex

 

Two chairs are center, side by side, facing the audience. Mildred enters with her script (handwritten if possible) to read.

 

MILDRED: Once upon a time, there was a boy named Jack who was in love.

 

Jack enters and sighs happily.

 

MILDRED: He was very in love, in fact, with the most curvaceous, beautiful, and sexy lady he had ever seen. Why the first time he laid eyes on her, he knew it was love.

JACK: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

MILDRED: Yes, Jack's beloved was hot, and red, and less than a year old. And Jack would do anything--

 

Jim enters.

 

JIM: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a sec. Mildred?

MILDRED: What?

JIM: A year old? Red? Is this an appropriate story.

MILDRED: Why wouldn't it be?

JIM: Why wouldn't-- how can you ask that? He's in love with a red baby?

JACK: You bet... a brand new, cherry red convertible Mustang.

JIM: Wait... this story's about a car?

MILDRED: Yes.

JIM: But we're talking abut dating.

MILDRED: I know.

JIM: So why are you talking about cars?

MILDRED: Will you go away and let me tell my story?

JIM: Okay... but I'm listening.

MILDRED: You better be.

 

Jim exits.

 

MILDRED: As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Jack was in love.

JACK: She doth teach the torches to burn bright. I must make her mine, no matter what it cost me.

MILDRED: And so Jack went to work. He knew it would cost him greatly to win his fair Diane, but Jack would not be denied.

 

Jim enters.

 

JIM: Whoa, whoa, hold on.

MILDRED: What now?

JIM: Diane? Who is Diane? I thought this was about a car.

MILDRED: It IS about a car. The car's name is Diane.

JIM: He named the car?

MILDRED: Will you go back and sit down and listen?

JIM: Sure. Sorry.

 

Jim exits.

 

MILDRED: It cost Jack a fortune, but finally, Diane was his. It looked like a match made in Heaven.

 

Jack walks to the two chairs at center, which represent the car.

 

JACK: Come on, my beloved, and I will show you the world.

 

Jack gets in the car. Starts the engine. Sound effect of a car starting and revving.

 

MILDRED: It was the happiest time of Jack's life, as he and Diane began their life together. They did everything, and went everywhere together.

JACK: Diane, listen to the radio. They're playing our song.

 

Jack turns up the radio. "Danger Zone" blasts over the speakers.

 

MILDRED: Yes, it seemed as if Jack had found true love. But then, things began to happen.

 

The song cuts out.

 

JACK: Diane? Diane, what's wrong? You turned off our song.

MILDRED: It seemed that Diane was not the perfect girl, and Jack soon found out just how imperfect she was.

 

The engine cuts out, and the sound stops.

 

JACK: Now what?

 

Jack tries to start Diane.

 

JACK: Come on! Come on, you stupid car!

MILDRED: The sweet words that Jack used to speak became much more harsh. Jack became quite impatient with his true love.

 

Jack gets out of the car.

 

JACK: What's your problem? Huh? What do you want from me?

MILDRED: Things continued to get worse with Diane, but rather than talking it out and fixing the problems, Jack finally walked away.

JACK: Who needs ya? There's a hot little blue Camaro named Tricia. Maybe I'll go talk to her.

 

Jack exits.

 

MILDRED: Jack moved on to find true love in another. But the truth is Diane was not the problem. She was a great little car... but like every sweet beauty, she needed some TLC... an oil change. A tune up. New tires from time to time. A note of encouragement on a day her mom made her mad. Flowers when she got that new job she worked so hard to get! Or maybe a special date night, to tell her she still means something to you after three months of dating! Or--

 

Jim enters.

 

JIM: Whoa, whoa, Mildred.

MILDRED: Jim, for the last time, would ya stop??

JIM: Sorry, to interrupt, but uh... notes, flowers, we are still talking about cars, right?

MILDRED: I don't know, Jim, are we?

JIM: Is there a hidden message to this skit?

MILDRED: I don't know, Jim, why don't you tell me?

JIM: Is this about the fact I forgot your birthday?

MILDRED: Gosh, are all you guys THIS stupid??

 

Mildred throws her papers in the air and starts to exit.

 

JIM: Wait, Mildred! Don't go!

MILDRED: Why not?

JIM: I have a question.

MILDRED: Okay.

JIM: Do you have jumper cables in your car? Mine's being stupid and needs a jump.

 

Mildred groans and storms off. Jim looks at the audience with a sheepish smile.

 

JIM: Jumper cables, anyone?