Shark Attack
By John Cosper
CHARACTERS
Tom- News anchor (unseen)
Laura- On the spot reporter
Chip- A very self-centered guy
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was inspired by an actual interview I saw on TV. A girl was attacked by a shark, and the eyewitness was more concerned about his own psychological well being than he was for the little girl. You can't make this stuff up.
With the lights out, we hear Tom say:
TOM: Tragedy on the beach yesterday as another child fell victim to a shark attack. For more on that we go to Laura Palmer in Florida. Laura?
Lights up. Laura is dressed for TV news, holding a mic at center stage. Chip stands beside her in his swim trunks and a tank top, holding a Pina Colada.
LAURA: Tom, I'm here on the beach where yesterday, an eight year old girl was viciously attacked by a shark swimming in shallow waters. The victim was bitten on the leg twice,, and her life may well have been saved by alert vacationers who responded to her cries for help. She is in the intensive care unit at nearby Beach Memorial Hospital, and everyone here on the beach is awaiting news of her condition. Sir, you were an eyewitness to what happened. Can you tell us about the incident?
CHIP: Well, I was enjoying a peaceful vacation here on the beach, far from my lousy job and the stress that's causing me hypertension, when all of a sudden I hear this little girl in the water screaming.
LAURA: You heard her scream?
CHIP: Yes, I heard her! She nearly ruptured my ear drum, she was so loud.
LAURA: It must have been horrific.
CHIP: It was! All that screaming undid four days of rest and relaxation. It all came back - the sweating, the increased pulse rate, the high blood pressure, even that phantom pain I get at the crook of my neck whenever my boss comes around.
LAURA: What did you think when you saw what was happening?
CHIP: Oh, it was awful. There was blood in the water, and this little girl flapping in the surf with all these fins.
LAURA: Did you do anything?
CHIP: You bet I did. I puked!
LAURA: You puked?
CHIP: Thirty dollars worth of shellfish and Corona, right there on the beach. I puked my guts out, it was so disgusting.
LAURA: So you didn't try to help?
CHIP: I couldn't! I was so horrified by the whole thing, I was wretching my guts out. My stomach muscles are still sore a day later.
LAURA: What about the girl?
CHIP: What about her?
LAURA: Aren't you concerned for her safety?
CHIP: Are you kidding? I can't think of anything but that little girl! I haven't been able to sleep since the incident. Every time I close my eyes, I see that shark and that girl. My heart starts racing, my body starts to sweat. I've even begun to have tremors. (holds out a shaking hand) See? See what it did to me?
LAURA: So you are concerned that the girl is okay?
CHIP: Yes! I wish someone would tell me if she was okay so I could at least get some rest. I can't go back to Chicago like this! I'll have a heart attack on the train first day back at work!
LAURA: If she recovers, will you go and visit the girl in the hospital?
CHIP: I don't know. I mean I could get over all this, but what if seeing her triggers a relapse, you know?
LAURA: I guess I never thought of that.
CHIP: It's going to be hard enough seeing her in court.
LAURA: In court?
CHIP: Of course. I'm suing her for emotional damages.
LAURA: You're suing the little girl?
CHIP: I have to! Before yesterday, my life was coming back into balance, spiritually and emotionally. Now look at me! I'm a nervous wreck!
LAURA: Why do you have to sue the girl?
CHIP: Well I can't sue the shark, can I? Sharks don't have any money. My attorney says she's the one who violated the shark's natural habitat and put herself in jeopardy. That's negligence, and her negligence is going to cost me a fortune in counseling fees and prescription pills. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get a massage.
Chip exits.
LAURA: Well there you have it. A little girl clings to life in the hospital, and a man with a suite here at the Hilton clings to his sanity. And a Pina Colada.
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