A little something for the kids.
How to Break a Bully
By John Cosper
CHARACTERS
Biff- A big time bully
Clarence- A nerdy kid
Sarah- A friend of Clarence
Other kids (3 or more as extras)
Biff enters, looking a little nervous. He is dressed tough and acts tough. He speaks to the audence.
BIFF: Oh, man, first day at a new school. Why did my mom and dad have to move? I had it so good at my last school. I was the top dog, you know. That's right, you're looking at last year's number one bully at Woodward Elementary. I was so tough, I made twenty bucks a day on lunch money alone. And I made ten bucks a day in protection money. That's the money kids would pay me not to dunk their heads in the toilets. I averaged about fifteen wedgies a week, shattering the previous school record of nine a week. And nicknames? Man, I was the king of making up nicknames for nerds. There was Sloppy Joe Head, String Bean Jeans, Lenny the Loser, Snot Face Sally. What can I say? It's a gift. Yep, I was the top bully at Woodward, and you know what? I'm gonna be the top bully here too. Every kid in school is going to know my name, and when they hear it, they're going to be terrified!
Clarence enters. He is very much a nerd, with pants pulled up high, suspenders, thick glasses, and a pocket protector.
BIFF: A ha! Nerd alert! Time for me to make my mark on this school!
Biff walks over to Clarence.
BIFF: Hand over the lunch money, geek!
CLARENCE: Excuse me?
BIFF: I said hand over the lunch money!
CLARENCE: Oh I don't have any, I'm brown bagging it today.
BIFF: That's too bad, because you're about to get a wedgie, Four Eyes!
CLARENCE: My name isn't Four Eyes. It's Clarence.
BIFF: No, your name is Four Eyes! And you BETTER have some money for me by noon or your head will go in the toilet!
CLARENCE: That's not very sanitary!
BIFF: Don't talk back to me, geek! Do you know who you're dealing with?
CLARENCE: Well, no, I didn't catch your name.
BIFF: I'm Biff Turner! And I'm the new top dog around these parts! I'm the guy who's going to make life for nerds like you a living nightmare in this school.
CLARENCE: People like me?
BIFF: I said nerds like you!
As Biff talks, Sarah and the other kids enter, all of them wearing glasses.
BIFF: You know why I said nerds? Because nerds aren't people! You are scum! You are losers! You're worthless and weak! You were born with a Kick Me sign on your back, and people like me were born to do the kicking! So when I come to you tomorrow and say, "Give me your lunch money," you better hand over the lunch money you... little...
Biff looks around, sees he is surrounded. He gets nervous.
BIFF: Four... eyed... freak?
SARAH: (nerdy, but tough) Hey, Clarence, is this guy bothering you?
CLARENCE: (suddenly more confident; the tables have turned!) Why no. We were just getting acquainted. Biff, was it?
BIFF: (terrified) Uhhh...
CLARENCE: Or should we all call you... Two Eyes?
BIFF: I gotta go!
Biff runs off in fear.
SARAH: You okay, Clarence?
CLARENCE: Yeah, I'm cool. Thanks for the help.
All the other kids take off their nerd glasses and put them away.
SARAH: Works every time!
The kids exit with Clarence.
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