Once again, inspired by Chuck Colson's Breakpoint. Enjoy.
Breach of Contract
By John Cosper
CHARACTERS
Hank- A lawyer
Bill and Jennifer- A divorcing couple
A desk is at center. There’s a chair behind it, and two on the other side. Lots of papers, a laptop, and a phone are on the desk. Hank is sitting at the desk. The phone rings.
HANK: Hello?... Good. Send them in, please.
Bill and Jennifer enter.
BILL: Hi, Hank.
HANK: Mr. And Mrs... forgive me. Sorry. Mr. Thomas and Ms. Higgins, it's good to see you.
JENNIFER: Thank you, Hank.
Bill and Jennifer sit down opposite Hank.
BILL: Are we good to go?
HANK: We are. All the papers drawn up exactly as you requested. (hands papers to each of them) Here is how the money will be divided. All assets that you specified are listed on the second page. Custody of the dogs goes to Jennifer.
JENNIFER: Thank you.
HANK: All you two have to do is sign the last page, and the divorce will be final.
BILL: Looks good to me.
JENNIFER: Me too.
BILL: We sign both copies?
HANK: Please.
BIll and Jennifer begin to sign.
JENNIFER: We really appreciate your doing this. The other option was just ridiculous.
HANK: I know. It's a shame more people can't settle their differences this way. Had you two contested each other, you could have spent years in the courts and spent six figures easy on lawyers.
BILL: Go to all that trouble, what do you have left?
HANK: Exactly.
Bill hands the papers back to Hank.
HANK: And that is that. You are divorced. You may now not kiss the ex-bride.
They all laugh.
JENNIFER: Thank you again, Hank.
BILL: Yes, thank you.
HANK: You're most welcome. It was a pleasure to serve you.
Bill and Jennifer get up to leave.
HANK: Oh, before you go, there is one other matter to discuss.
BILL: What's that?
HANK: The law suit.
BILL: What law suit?
HANK: The one your pastor has filed.
BILL: Pastor Dave?
JENNIFER: For what?
HANK: For breach of contract, of course.
BILL: What contract?
HANK: Your marriage contract. Now that you have divorced, you have effectively breached the contract you made to love, honor, and obey until death do you part. So your pastor is suing you for lost time in preparing you for marriage as well as the wedding ceremony itself.
JENNIFER: Can he do that?
HANK: I don't know. Did you tell him that you intended to keep your vows until death do you part?
JENNIFER: OF course we did. But that doesn't mean we meant it.
BILL: Right! I mean that's all ceremony and ritual. It doesn't really mean anything.
HANK: It does to him. And since you breached your marriage contract, he is suing.
JENNIFER: Why does he even care? This is none of his business!
Hank hands Bill and Jennifer the legal documents.
HANK: Hey, I'm on your side. I processed your divorce settlement. What you kids do with your marriage vows is no concern of mine. But the pastor feels he is owed for time spent preparing you for a contract that was broken in only... wow, fifteen months?
BILL: What about it?
HANK: Oh, nothing. No judgment here. It's just... well, now I understand a little more why they filed the class action suit against you.
JENNIFER: I'm sorry, who filed a class action suit against us?
HANK: Your wedding guests.
BILL: Our wedding guests are suing us?
HANK: Well, technically, it was a groomsman, a Jim Peoples who brought the initial suit, claiming that he, too, participated in the ceremony because he believed you when you said you would maintain your vows. But when he heard that you were breaking your marriage contract, he decided to sue.
JENNIFER: Your college roommate. I told you not to put him in the wedding!
BILL: I can't believe Jim would do that to me!
HANK: Oh, it's not just him. Over a hundred guests and attendants have signed on. Including your grandma, Jennifer.
He hands over another file.
JENNIFER: Grammy?
BILL: For what? What do they want from us?
HANK: Money of course. They're suing for lost time at work, travel and hotel fees, money spent on tuxedos and brides maid dresses, and of course, money spent on wedding gifts.
BILL This is unbelievable.
JENNIFER: What are we going to do?
HANK: Well, if it were me, I'd certainly think twice about getting a divorce.
BILL: We just signed the papers, Hank.
JENNIFER: It's a little late for that!
HANK: Well, heh heh, in that case... I'd hire a good lawyer.
Hank smiles greedily. Fade to black.
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