Righteous Insanity

Father's Day skits

Interesting trend - three years running, the day after Mother's Day, traffic spikes on my blog with people looking for skits for Father's Day. Seems to be a big day for skits, for some reason. Anyway, for those of you looking, here's a quick link to the freebie that I posted three years ago, a great skit that has people coming back every year: 

Father Figure - A skit for Father's Day

And for those who are looking for more options, here's a link to the Father's (and Mother's) Day skit package available on Righteous Insanity's website: 

The Mommas and the Poppas Skit Collection

The Sensitive Christian Man: Wife-Speak

The lovely Dija Henry guest stars once again as Scott's long-suffering wife in a lesson on understanding your wife. 

New book coming - "Company Man"

I have a new book on the way. This one's not science fiction or fantasy. It's a business parable, but unlike most business parable books on the market, this one's not about business. It's about the way Christians view the world - and why the world hates us for it.

Company Man is the story of the modern church. It's also the story of a man named William Connor, a mid-level manager who loves his job. He also loves rules and the power he has to enforce him. Connor spends his days scrutinizing his fellow employees and insuring the letter of the law is followed by all. He takes great pride in his work, completely oblivious to the fact his co-workers hate him. So it's a complete shock when his boss calls him in one day and nearly fires him.

William's benevolent and wise boss spares him on one condition: he has to go back to the basics, back to the company guide book that the company founder wrote, and re-learn how to do his job. In a week's time, William comes to see it's people, not rules, that are most important to his boss, and only by putting people first can the company - and its people - truly thrive.

Company Man will be available on Kindle only (at least at first) for the low price of $1.99. It's an important story, one I want to get out and get read because too many Christians behave exactly like William Connor. We put conditions and stipulations on others in order to give them any acceptance, rather than embracing people as they are the way Christ did.

I'm not saying the law and the Word of God do not matter; they do! But our job is not to force the law on non-believers. Our job is love our neighbor and through that love connecting people to Jesus. That job starts with loving and accepting people as they are!

Company Man will be released for Kindle on June 7. If you're a Kindle user, I urge you to order it and make it a priority on your summer reading list. I'll be promoting the book through Righteous Insanity, The Sensitive Christian Man website, my personal website, and Amazon.com.  I'll also be blogging about it quite a bit in the weeks before and after its release.

New skit - "Traded"

A little something on what life would be like without free will. 

Traded

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com

 

CHARACTERS

Terry – A HUGE Dallas Cowboys fan

Bob and Moose – TV announcers (voice)

Jim – An executive

Gil – A laborer

Two other workers

 

 

[NOTE: I chose the Dallas Cowboys and Pittsburgh Steelers just to pick two teams with fan bases that hate one another. You are welcome to change this to any sport and any two teams you like, replacing the face paint, clothing, props, and team specific items like the Terrible Towel with stuff that relates to your audience – or just whatever is easiest for your prop people to find.]

 

The stage is set as a TV room that is a total shrine to the Dallas Cowboys. Terry is dressed for the big game in his team jersey, hat, and face paint.

 

BOB: Welcome everyone to our broadcast of the final game of what has been a spectacular season. Is everybody ready for some football?

TERRY: Woooo! YEAH!

BOB: I knew you were! And who wouldn’t be excited for today’s big game between the Dallas Cowboys—

 

Terry screams like a nut.

 

BOB: And the hated Pittsburgh Steelers.

 

Terry boos even louder.

 

BOB: There is no love lost between these two historic rivals, and today’s game looks to be an epic battle. As I bring in my broadcast partner, Moose, I want to know how you see today’s game unfolding.

MOOSE: Well, Bob, until this morning, I would have told you the key to the game was Pittsburgh running back Tony Lyman.

 

Terry boos like a mad man.

 

MOOSE: Lyman has torched the Cowboys for over three hundred yards in his last two games against Dallas

TERRY: I hate you, Lyman! I hate you!

MOOSE: And he likely would have done it again had the Steelers not traded him to the Cowboys.

TERRY: What?

MOOSE: That’s right, the Steelers traded Lyman to the Cowboys just this morning!

TERRY: We got Lyman! I love Lyman!

BOB: But what’s really earth shattering about this trade, Moose, is what the Cowboys are giving up in return.

MOOSE: That’s right, Bob. In exchange for Tony Lyman, the Steelers get the Cowboys’ number one draft pick next season and the Dallas Cowboys’ number one fan. Terry Conway of Bradenton, Texas.

TERRY: That’s my name. Why did Moose Stubblefield just call my name?

 

Jim enters in a suit.

 

JIM: Mr. Conway? Hello? Oh, great, you are here. (off) He’s in here, Gil.

 

Gil, dressed in work coveralls, enters.

 

JIM: You see what you have to work with.

GIL: Mmm hmm.

JIM: Let’s get this stuff out quickly and get the new stuff in before kick off.

 

Gil exits.

 

TERRY: Who are you?

JIM: I’m sorry, Jim Stillwell, director of trades for the National Football League. I’m the guy who negotiates these things through the final approvals. I’m here to inform you you’ve been traded.

TERRY: Traded?

JIM: That’s right. You’ve been traded to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

TERRY: The Steelers? But I’m just a fan.

JIM: Mr. Conway, don’t be so modest. Everyone knows you’re the biggest Cowboys fan there is. And the Steelers simply cannot wait to make you their number one fan.

 

Gil and two other workers enter with replacement gear for every Cowboy item on stage.

 

GIL: Okay, boys, you know the drill. New stuff goes up, old stuff goes in the garbage.

 

The workers start removing the Cowboy gear and replacing it with Steelers.

 

TERRY: Hey! Hey, that’s my stuff!

JIM: Relax, Mr. Conway. We’re not taking anything away that won’t be replaced with equal value.

TERRY: What do you mean equal value?

JIM: For every Cowboy item you have, we’re giving you Steelers in its place.

GIL: Arms up, please, sir.

 

Terry lifts his arms. Gil removes his Cowboys jersey and replaces it with a Steelers one as the dialogue continues.

 

TERRY: But why?

JIM: Because we want you to be as big a Steeler booster as you ever were for the Cowboys.

TERRY: But I hate the Steelers!

JIM: No you don’t.

TERRY: No, really, I hate the Steelers! I’m a Cowboys fan!

JIM: Correction: you WERE a Cowboys fan. But now, you’re a Steeler from the inside out.

TERRY: But I don’t want to be a Steelers fan.

 

One of the men wipes the face paint off Terry as Jim speaks.

 

JIM: Well I’m sorry, Mr. Conway, but you don’t have a choice. Article nine, section 13, paragraph 23 of the Football Fan Code specifically states that when a fan is traded, they must break all ties to their previous team and cheer unconditionally for the new one.

TERRY: But that’s not fair! I’m a fan! It should be my choice.

 

The worker puts Steelers color face paint on Terry.

 

JIM: Mr. Conway, the trade has already gone through. Mr. Lyman has accepted it. Look, he’s on TV now in his new Cowboys uniform. There’s no going back for him or for you. You’re a Steeler fan now.

GIL: (hands Jim a yellow towel) Do you need instructions on how to wave the Terrible Towel?

JIM: I’m sure that’s not necessary, Gil. He’s a Steeler fan. He knows how to use the Terrible Towel!

TERRY: But I—

JIM: I’m sorry, Terry, I’d love to chat, but the game’s started, and you have some serious cheering to do for your team. Good luck! And go Steelers!

TERRY: But—

 

Jim and Gil and the workers exit.

 

BOB: Can you believe it, Moose? The opening kick off, and Lyman takes it 99 yards for a touchdown! Cowboy nation must be going crazy.

MOOSE: You bet they are, Bob, and Steeler fans everywhere are booing their heads off.

TERRY: (half-heartedly) Yeah. Boo Cowboys. 

 

New skit - Death by Cream Pie

Are you confident enough to stand up for the truth? Even when everyone else is against you?

Death by Cream Pie

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com

 

CHARACTERS

Dave- A health nut

Katie- A restaurant worker

Craig and Lucy- A "smart" couple

BIlly- A restaurant manager

 

A few tables and chairs are set up. Craig and Lucy are sitting at a table, eating cream pies. Dave walks up to a counter where Katie is waiting.

 

KATIE: Hi, welcome to Healthy Shack. May I help you?

DAVE: Yes, I'd like something lean and light. I'm on a diet.

KATIE: You came to the right place. Nothing but the finest health food here.

DAVE: Good. Give me a salad. Lots of greens, light on the dressing, please. And maybe a water to drink.

KATIE: Salad?

DAVE: Yes, a salad.

 

Katie laughs condescendingly.

 

KATIE: Are you some kind of nut job? Hey, folks, this guy wants to eat healthy so he ordered a salad!

 

Craig and Lucy laugh.

 

CRAIG: What an idiot!

DAVE: Okay, this is weird, but I really want a salad.

KATIE: If you want a salad, go to another restaurant. This is a health food restaurant. We sell health food.

DAVE: Okay. What kind of health food do you have?

KATIE: Pie.

DAVE: Pie??

KATIE: Cream pies. Chocolate, butterscotch, Key lime, coconut cream, peanut butter.

DAVE: You sell pies?

KATIE: And cakes. Boston cream, red velvet, German chocolate...

DAVE: That's garbage.

 

Craig and Lucy drop their forks loudly on their plates, appalled by what they heard.

 

CRAIG: Dude, what are you talking about?

LUCY: Pie is the healthiest thing you can eat! The richer the better!

CRAIG: And only second to pie is cake!

DAVE: That's not right.

KATIE: (stern) It is right, sir.

DAVE: Says who?

KATIE: (cocky, self-righteous) The management of this restaurant. And anybody else in this world who has half a brain, am I right?

LUCY: She's right!

CRAIG: (joking) What a wacko. I bet he still buys vegetables.

DAVE: Of course I do.

CRAIG: (sober) Wow. What a sad, pathetic man you are.

LUCY: Why would you torture yourself like that?

DAVE: Because I want to live a long, healthy life.

CRAIG: Sad. Just sad.

DAVE: Look, I don't know what kind of gag this is, but it's not funny. I'd like to see your manager.

KATIE: Certainly, sir. (whistles off) Billy! We've got a veggie-head!

 

Billy enters.

 

BILLY: What seems to be the trouble, sir?

DAVE: The trouble, sir, is I came in here expecting to buy health food and all you're selling is pie. LUCY: And cake.

DAVE: And cake!

BILLY: (doesn't see the problem) And?

DAVE: And?? And?? Pies and cakes are not health food!!

BILLY: Yes they are.

DAVE: No, no, no!

BILLY: Sir, I realize there was a time in this country when pies and cakes were frowned upon, and vegetables and other dirt foods were held up as sacred and healthy. But it's time to come into the 21st century. Cream pies are health food. So are cakes. And if you can't accept that, I suggest you leave.

CRAIG: Yeah, get out of here!

LUCY: I don't want to hear your lies!

DAVE: Lies? These people are the liars! Not me!

 

Billy pills out a pack of cigarettes.

 

BILLY: Look, why don't we just calm down, sir. Here, have a smoke.

DAVE: I don't want a cigarette!

BILLY: It's tobacco! It's one of the healthiest things you can put in your body! Now smoke up!

 

Dave looks around.

 

DAVE: So you're telling me everything I was ever taught about food was... wrong?

KATIE: Uh, yeah!

DAVE: And pies and cakes are... health food?

BILLY: Yes.

DAVE: I see. (pause) I guess, give me a chocolate cream pie then.

KATIE: (smiles, happy to see he's seen the light) Yes, sir. Right away.

 

Billy pats Dave on the back.

 

BILLY: I knew you were a decent fella.

 

Billy walks off. Rod enters.

 

ROD: (smooth, like Rod Serling) And so it was, the human race came to believe that pies and cakes were health foods. And once the whole world came around to this new, enlightened view of the food pyramid, (in a loud, harsh tone) they all died!!!

 

Everyone looks up at Rod, shocked.

 

ROD: Well what did you expect? You're eating pie for crying out loud!

The latest from getyoked.net

Another video recently posted to getyoked.net, the best place for singles to go on the Internet if they want a reminder that there are worse things than being single.

I've also published a new edition of "Throwing Eggs in the Shower," my own memoir of the single life, in both paperback and Kindle. Read more about the book and see more videos at Getyoked.net

Recruiting for your drama team... or, do any of you GUYS want to act??

One of the nice things about drama, especially with students, is that it recruits for itself. A good drama program will attract more people with an interest in acting. I've seen this play out both in church drama ministries and in school theater programs. 

The problem is, you may not get the mix of people - male and female - that you need or want. Matter of fact, I can pretty much guarantee that in most circumstances, you're going to struggle to find guys. When I was with Youth for Christ, attempting to stage "The Waiting Room," we were so hard up for guys for a play, we set up a table at a local youth rally and had some of the students hold a sign that read, "Join Drama, Meet Girls."

It was a joke - mostly. I later wrote the real life incident into the play "The Bearded Ladies Christmas," a play about a church drama team attempting to stage the Nativity story with no guys.

Seriously, though, finding guys for a drama ministry can be very challenging, and when you do get guys in the group (it was not uncommon to have a 1 to 8 or 1 to 10 ratio) you can burn them out very fast. You can fight it, you can beg and plead, but if God doesn't lead them in the door, you may have to get creative.

A few of the things we did over the years to compensate for the lack of guys include:

1. Writing or choosing more scripts for just girls. The aforementioned "Bearded Ladies" play and its Easter-themed sequel were written for just that purpose.

2. Modifying skits with a lot of male roles so more females could play them. Not always possible, but it works more often than you'd think. Remember, the audience doesn't have your script. They don't know how it was originally written.

3. Choosing scripts with smaller casts. Using fewer people (and guys) on a weekly basis keeps them from burning out.

4. Allowing students to participate more in the creative process. This gives them more ownership in the material we did, and it kept the guys (and the ladies) more engaged.

5. Play to the group's internal interests. What shows do they like? What movies? What SNL sketches? Can they be adapted and used on stage?

6. Allow the guys to have guy time, using them in skits together when possible. This may seem counterintuitive because it would seem the best strategy would be to spread them out and use them sparingly, but it can be very beneficial in a number of ways. The overwhelming female numbers are often a big reason more guys don't come and some guys end up leaving. Giving the guys time on stage without the girls is not only good for them, it may also attract a few more into the fold.

Summer reading

Looking for something to read on that new Kindle this summer? How about a little science fiction and fantasy to pass the warm days? 

My science fiction website johncosper.com has six options that will fit neatly in that Kindle or iPad you're taking to the beach. Five of them are also available in paperback. And the Left Behind parody, "Left Overs," is only $1 for the Kindle! 

There's a little of everything there: aliens, monsters, super heroes (and villains), worlds of fantasy. Oh, and the best darn Left Behind parody ever. 

The site's been spiffed up too, so give it a look! 

The Sensitive Christian Man - Praying for You

Another new episode is up at The Sensitive Christian Man. 

Best. Mother's. Day. Skit. Ever.

I adore Nichols and May more than words can say.