Something to file away until next Easter. Enjoy.
Three Nails
By John Cosper
CHARACTERS
Diane- A college student about to lose her scholarship
Jane- Her roommate
Carl- The maintenance man
Tammy- A neighbor
The setting is a college apartment. There's a couch at center facing the audience and a TV down center facing the couch. A table with two chairs is stage left of the couch. A door to the hall is stage left. A door leading to the bedrooms is stage right. Jane is on the couch, holding a remote control.
JANE: Hey! Is something wrong with the TV?
DIANE: (off) What?
JANE: I said is something wrong with the TV!
DIANE: (enters) What's the matter with it?
JANE: Take a look. I'm not getting anything.
DIANE: Great. Something else broken in this apartment.
JANE: They still have you on hold?
DIANE: Of course.
JANE: They tell you anything?
DIANE: Nothing yet.
JANE: This is so aggravating. I was all set to watch that movie.
DIANE: We can go down to the student center soon as I get off here.
JANE: That's okay. Carl should be up here soon. I'll ask him about it.
DIANE: Carl? You called Carl about the TV?
JANE: No, I called Carl to look at the couch. But since he's coming--
DIANE: Why did you call Carl?
JANE: Because I'm tired of sitting on a broken couch.
DIANE: I can't believe you called Carl.
JANE: He is the building maintenance supervisor. It's his job to fix things, right?
DIANE: Yes it is, but do me a favor. Let him fix the couch, but don't tell him about the TV.
JANE: Why not?
DIANE: Just trust me.
Diane exits. There's a knock on the door. Jane answers.
CARL: Hello. I am Carl.
JANE: Hi, Carl, come on in.
CARL: You call about broken couch?
JANE: I did, yes. One of the legs broke off the couch, and it's al lop-sided now.
CARL: Poor couch. Look at you, so sad. No worries, lady. Carl fix.
JANE: Can you get it today?
CARL: Of course! Carl fix right now.
JANE: Oh good.
CARL: Sure, no problem. Three nails fix everything. Here.
Carl gets down and hammers the broken leg back in place with three nails.
CARL: You see? Three nails, all fixed.
JANE: Wow, that was easy. If only the TV could be--
CARL: Something wrong with TV?
JANE: Well, I wasn't supposed to say anything.
CARL: Is no problem! Carl can fix.
JANE: You can?
CARL: Absolutely! You watch. Three nails fix everything.
JANE: I'm sorry, did you say three nails?
Carl hammers three nails into the TV destroying it.
JANE: What the heck!!!!!
CARL: You see? Three nails, is all better.
JANE: Are you crazy? Now I can't watch it at all.
CARL: You no need to watch. Rots your brain. You read text books.
Tammy enters with a laptop.
TAMMY: Hey, Jane, is your Internet working?
JANE: I don't know, why?
TAMMY: My laptop's not connecting to the network for some reason.
CARL: You say Internet no working?
TAMMY: Can you fix it?
CARL: Of course I can. Here, set on table.
Tammy sets the laptop down.
JANE: Don't do it, Tammy!
TAMMY: Why not?
Carl hammers three nails into the laptop.
TAMMY: Noooooo!!!!
CARL: Three nails fix everything.
TAMMY: I had my thesis on there! What am I going to do?
JANE: Come on, we'll head down to the student center. I think they have a working TV too.
Jane and Tammy exit.
CARL: If TV broken, give me call!
Diane enters on the phone.
DIANE: Look, I know you hear this all the time, but I really will do whatever it takes. There must be something I can do... Well is there someone else I can talk to?... (sighs, defeated) No, I don't have any questions... Okay, thank you.
Diane hangs up. She looks around.
DIANE: What happened in here?
CARL: Carl fix couch, TV, and Internet.
DIANE: I was afraid of that. Gosh, can this day possibly get worse?
CARL: Something wrong?
DIANE: Nothing you can fix, I assure you.
CARL: You sure?
DIANE: The only way to fix my problem would be to go back in time and start the school year over.
CARL: Carl cannot do that.
DIANE: I blew it. I've lost my scholarship. I can forget about med school. I had my dream shot, Carl. I had it, and I completely threw it away.
She sits - and looks down, surprised.
DIANE: Couch is fixed?
CARL: Three nails fix everything.
DIANE: Three nails are not going to fix my life.
CARL: Of course they can.
DIANE: I suppose if you nailed them through the top of my head.
CARL: This not first time Carl see this problem. Carl tell you, three nails can fix.
DIANE: How are three nails going to fix me, Carl?
CARL: (he is matter of fact, but still has some humor) The same way three nails fix Carl. Carl not always successful maintenance worker. Carl got into trouble as a boy. Carl did bad things. Carl did time.
DIANE: (she smiles slightly) I can't imagine you doing time.
CARL: Carl fixed now. But back then, Carl was broken. Carl needed three nails. And Carl found them.
DIANE: Where?
CARL: He found them here... (he points to his wrist) And here. (he points to his other wrist) Two in wrists. One in the feet. That is where Carl found nails when Carl found his Savior. Three nails in a cross. Three nails fix everything.
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