The Newly Saved Game
By John Cosper
CHARACTERS
Bob - The game show host
Dave - A prideful believer
Kelly - An ignorant but humble believer
Jesus
BOB: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Newly Saved Game! Now that our contestants have written down their answers to today's questions, let's bring our their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Jesus enters and sits between Dave and Kelly.
BOB: And here's how we play. We'll ask the Lord to answer the same questions our contestants just answered. Then we'll see what answers out contestants gave and learn just which one of these two knows their Lord and Savior best. At the end of the round, our audience will get to vote on which contestant they think is a long time believer, and which one is Newly Saved. Kelly, are you ready?
KELLY: (confident) Yes I am!
BOB: Dave, are you ready?
DAVE: (very cocky) I am. And may I just say, it's really an honor to be sitting here next to the big guy himself.
BOB: Okay, brown nose. Question number one: when should God's people pray?
JESUS: Prayer is communication with the Father. My Father wants all of his children to have an intimate relationship with him. Therefore, you should pray constantly.
BOB: Pray constantly. Kelly, let's see what you answered.
Kelly holds up a sign that says, "When I'm in trouble."
BOB: Kelly said she should pray when she's in trouble.
A horn sounds.
BOB: Oh, I am sorry, Kelly. No points for that. Let's see if Dave has a better answer.
Dave holds up a sign that says, "When I want something."
BOB: Dave said, when I want something.
DAVE: If I may say something here. Praying constantly means we should also be praying when we want something, so technically, I am right.
The horn sounds.
BOB: No you are not. No points awarded to either contestant as we go to question number two. The question is, what is the most important commandment?
JESUS: Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul. And love your neighbor as yourself.
BOB: Love the Lord, and love your neighbor. Let's see how Kelly answered this one.
Kelly holds up a sign that says, "Don't be late to church."
BOB: Don't be late for church.
The horn sounds.
BOB: I'm sorry, that is incorrect.
KELLY: (mutters) Tell that to my grandmother.
BOB: Dave, once again, you have a chance to take the lead. You answered:
Dave holds up a sign that says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
BOB: Thou shalt not commit adultery.
The horn sounds.
BOB: That is also incorrect.
DAVE: Then how come my pastor and my Sunday School teachers talk about it every week?
BOB: Our score remains knotted at zero as we go to the third question. How much of a Christian's worldly wealth belongs to God?
JESUS: When a person surrenders their life to the Lord, they surrender everything, including their money and possessions. These are all gifts from my Father, even to those who do not believe, and he expects his people to manage it wisely.
BOB: The answer then is everything. Kelly, let's see your answer.
Kelly holds up her sign that says, "$20 a week plus my Christian music collection."
BOB: Twenty dollars a week, plus your Christian music collection.
The horn sounds.
BOB: Not even close. Dave, let's see your answer.
Dave holds up a sign that says, "Ten percent, after taxes, medical deductions, principle and insurance on primary residence, insurance for vehicles used to transport between church and home, and miscellaneous deductions for anything brought or donated to church for fellowship, dsicipleship, and/or evangelistic purposes."
BOB: Ten percent after taxes, medical deductions, principle and... Wow, I'm not even going to read the rest of that. Just sound the horn. Please!
The horn sounds.
BOB: Thank you. (shakes his head) Sad. Just sad.
DAVE: It still comes out to just over three percent of the gross--
BOB: You know what? Just stop there. Okay? Thank you. Now let's go on to our final question. That question is, whose responsibility is it to share the gospel with others?
JESUS: Everyone who calls himself my disciple has the Holy Spirit in their hearts. Therefore, anyone who has the Holy Spirit has the responsibility to share that gift with others.
BOB: There you go, contestants. The answer is, everybody who believes in Christ. Kelly, let's see your answer.
KELLY: No.
BOB: Come on, Kelly, let's get this over with.
Kelly holds up a sign that says, "Pastors and missionaries."
BOB: Pastors and missionaries.
The horn sounds.
BOB: No points, no surprise. Dave, let's see your answer, please.
Dave holds up a sign that has "Veggie Tales" crossed our and "Joel Osteen" written in.
BOB: You wrote Joel Osteen after you nearly answered Veggie Tales. Simply astonishing.
DAVE: Once again, Joel Osteen is part of everybody. As are the Veggie Tales. So technically speaking--
The horn sounds.
BOB: Technically speaking, you still have zero points. And that brings us to the end of the game. Audience, now is the time for you to key in your vote using the touchpads in front of you. Which one of these contestants is the newly saved.
Waiting music plays for about ten seconds.
BOB: Time's up. Let's find out just how long these two have known the Lord. Kelly, how long ago did you become a believer?
KELLY: (embarrassed) Ten years.
BOB: Ten years. And this is all you know about the Lord?
KELLY: I guess I haven't worked on my relationship like I should.
BOB: That's about the best answer you've given all day. Now over to Dave.
DAVE: (proud as can be) Bob, I have been a believer for twenty two of my twenty eight years.
BOB: That is absolutely astonishing.
DAVE: I know, right? And they said it wouldn't last!
BOB: That's all the time we have for the Newly Saved Game. This is Bob Pastor reminding you that if you don’t take the time to know someone…
DAVE: (to Jesus) I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Who are you again?
BOB: Oh boy.
Bob walks off, shaking his head.
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