Bat Blues
By John Cosper
www.righteousinsanity.com
CHARACTERS
Narrator
Batman/Dick Grayson
Commissioner Gordon
Chief O'Hara
Barbara Gordon (aka Batgirl)
The old school Batman theme plays.
NARR: And now, the New Adventures of BATMAN! As our story
begins, Bruce Wayne has left Gotham City to begin a long-awaited and
well-deserved retirement in the Bahamas. But the mantle of the caped crusader
has not been hung up for good! Dick Grayson, Bruce's youthful ward and the boy
wonder Robin, has stepped into the shoes of his friend and mentor to become the
new Dark Knight!
The Commissioner's office is on stage. Commissioner
Gordon and Chief O'Hara are at the desk. The phone buzzes.
SECRETARY: Commissioner Gordon, Batman is here.
GORDON: Good. Send him in.
Batman enters.
BATMAN: Commissioner.
GORDON: Batman! So good to see you.
BATMAN: Good to see you as well. You remember Chief O'Hara?
CHIEF: Lookin' good there, caped crusader.
BATMAN: Thank you.
CHIEF: You lose a few pounds? You look trimmer.
BATMAN: Well, I thought I'd try a new diet.
CHIEF: Looks good on you.
GORDON: Say, where's that boy wonder of yours, Robin?
BATMAN: Gentlemen, Robin will no longer be working with me.
GORDON: Oh no?
BATMAN: Robin has decided to move on to other interests. He
resigned a few weeks ago, and I wish him all the best.
CHIEF: You mean no more Batman and Robin?
BATMAN: That's right. It's just me.
GORDON: Well, if you don't mind my saying so, it's about
time.
BATMAN: Excuse me?
GORDON: That little numbskull was a drag on this whole city!
BATMAN: Robin? The boy wonder?
CHIEF: You mean the boy blunder!
Gordon and the Chief laugh.
BATMAN: What's so funny?
GORDON: Are you kidding? Come on, Batman, Robin was a total
loser!
CHIEF: He couldn't fight. He wasn't half the detective you
are. He ran like a girl.
BATMAN: He took third in the state running cross
country in high school.
CHIEF: In the girl's tournament maybe!
GORDON: Remember that time he got himself and that princess
captured by the Joker?
CHIEF: Oh I know! I can still hear him now. "Batman,
save us!"
GORDON: The princess had to slap him, he was so hysterical!
BATMAN: Now see here--
CHIEF: And what was with that outfit? Come on, green
booties?
GORDON: And those cute shaved legs.
BATMAN: It reduces wind drag!
GORDON: I was gonna say he wore drag!
Gordon and the Chief laugh.
CHIEF: And how about that orange shirt? Safety orange?
That's not stealthy!
GORDON: I always wanted to tell him, "Aquaman called,
he wants you to stop raiding his closet!"
BATMAN: He wore that outfit in tribute to his family, a
family that perished when the Joker killed them.
GORDON: Who were they, circus people?
BATMAN: Yes!
Gordon and the Chief laugh even harder. Gordon
pounds on his desk.
GORDON: That's hilarious, Batman!
BATMAN: That wasn't a joke!
CHIEF: His father was a midget, and his mother was the
bearded lady!
BATMAN: Hey! Don't talk about my-- Robin's momma like
that!
CHIEF: Oh come on, Batman, surely you knew how we felt about
Robin. He was a nice kid, but he wasn't half the man you are.
GORDON: He'll never fill those shoes, that's for sure.
BATMAN: Oh yeah? We'll just see about that!
Batman turns and exits.
CHIEF: Oh that was fun.
GORDON: I'm sure on the inside, he's laughing with us.
Barbara Gordon enters.
BARBARA: Daddy?
GORDON: Hello, Barbara.
BARBARA: Was that Batman I saw crying on his way out of the
building?
GORDON: Crying? Batman was crying?
BARBARA: I think so.
CHIEF: What's the matter with him? Is he, Batman or
Batgirl?
GORDON: Batgirl? Ha ha ha. Talk about your total losers! She
couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag, much less take on the Catwoman!
Gordon and the Chief laugh harder. Barbara slaps Gordon
hard, then storms out. The two men stop laughing.
GORDON: Gee, what got into her?