How They See It
By John
Cosper
www.righteousinsanity.com
CHARACTERS
Deb- Narrator/ shelter employee
Liz- A single young woman
Bill- Young executive
Steve- Young slacker
Kip- College student with potential
Kimmy- A hot girl
A mob of hot girls (three or more)
DEB: Hey, guys, have you ever wondered what's really
going on in the mind of girls? Girls see guys differently than guys see girls.
It's true. And just to show you how different girls are, we've put together
this little dramatization for you. Enjoy.
Deb walks to the desk and sits. She puts up a sign
that says "Shelter." Liz enters.
DEB: Can I help you?
LIZ: I'm here to adopt a guy.
DEB: Certainly. Do you have anything in particular in
mind?
LIZ: Yes, I'm looking for something Caucasian.
Christian, but no specific denomination. Oh, no Lutherans, though.
DEB: No Lutherans.
LIZ: Politically conservative, above average
intelligence, and cute enough to make my roommates jealous.
DEB: Let me see what we have around bak. Wait here
just a moment.
Deb exits. She returns with Bill, dressed in a
suit, on a leash. Bill acts like a dog.
DEB: Here we go.
LIZ: Aww, isn't he cute?
Bill starts sniffing and pawing Liz. She pets him.
DEB: His name is Bill. He's a graduate of
Northwestern law school.
LIZ: Ooh, law school.
DEB: He enjoys football, reading mystery novels, and
dancing. He has a six figure job, a nice apartment, and all his shots.
LIZ: Well, hey, Bill, aren't you just the cutest--
Bill races over to Deb and paws and sniffs on her.
LIZ: Hey, hey! I'm over here, dummy!
DEB: What's the matter? Don't you like her?
LIZ: Something tells me this one likes to chase
skirts.
DEB: Some of them do, I'm afraid.
LIZ: I think I'll pass on this one.
DEB: No problem. Let me bring out another one. Come
on, Bill.
BILL: Arf!
DEB: Stay off my leg!
Deb leads Bill off stage. She returns with Steve,
dressed in worn jeans and a T-shirt.
DEB: Here we go.
LIZ: Hey, he's a cute one!
DEB: This is Steve.
LIZ: Hi, Steve.
Steve snuggles up to Liz sweetly.
LIZ: Oh, aren't you so sweet and cuddly? I bet you
like to cuddle.
DEB: Oh yes. Steve is very affectionate. Gets very
attached.
LIZ: Really? Hmm. What else should I know?
DEB: Steve's a high school graduate who is unemployed and
lives in his mom's basement.
LIZ: Take him away. Take him away now.
DEB: Come on, Steve.
Steve grabs Liz's leg. Deb has to pull him off.
DEB: Let go, Steve. Come on. Back to the basement.
Deb leads Steve off, whimpering. She comes back on
with Kip.
DEB: Let's try this one.
LIZ: Hey there, fella. What's your name? (sniffs) And what's that smell?
DEB: His name is Kip, and he's the assistant manager
at Hardees.
LIZ: Hardees, really?
DEB: He's working there to pay for college.
LIZ: Is that so?
DEB: Oh yes. Once he has a degree, he can move up to
corporate.
LIZ: Or maybe work for a real company, isn't that
right?
KIP: Woof!
DEB: Now I have to warn you, this one does like
to play video games a lot.
LIZ: Oh no.
DEB: But he also plays guitar.
LIZ: Is he in a band?
DEB: No.
LIZ: Good. We definitely don't want that.
DEB: So what do you think?
LIZ: Well, he's not perfect. But give him a bath,
some direction with his career... I can deal with the video games.
DEB: Wonderful. Congratulations, I hope you'll both
be very happy.
LIZ: Come on, Kip, let's go get a bath. And maybe a
flea dip.
Liz leads Kip off stage.
DEB: Well there you have it. An insight into how
girls really view men and relationships.
Steve enters without a dog collar.
DEB: And just in case you're wondering how this
differs from men...
Kimmy runs on. She wears a T-shirt that either has
Steve's face on it, or the name STEVE in big letters.
KIMMY: Look, everybody, it's Steve!
A mob of girls - all wearing identical Steve
shirts - run on and surround Steve, pawing at him.
STEVE: Hey, girls, settle down. There's enough Steve
for everybody. Hey, who wants to buy me dinner?
All the girls raise their hands.
STEVE: Let's go!
The girls lift Steve and carry him away, chanting
"Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!"