A little something I wrote based on a verse in Proverbs. Enjoy!
The Blessing Clause
Proverbs 3:33
By John Cosper
CHARACTERS
Mr. James- A realtor
Barron and Lynn- A married couple
Barron and Lynn walk into Mr. James' office.
BARRON: Excuse me, Mr. James?
JAMES: Mr. and Mrs. Habersham, good to see you. How is the new house?
BARRON: Well, that's what we want to talk about.
JAMES: Oh really?
LYNN: We're very unhappy.
JAMES: Sit down, please. Tell me what's wrong. Is it the plumbing? The roof?
BARRON: It's not any one thing. It's the house as a whole.
LYNN: When we took possession, we opted for the Blessings Clause.
JAMES: Oh yes, I remember.
BARRON: You promised us that we'd have God's blessing on the house. Instead, the kids are always fighting, things keep breaking.
LYNN: Money's been real tight, too. We just can't keep up.
JAMES: I see.
BARRON: We feel like you sold us a bill of goods.
JAMES: I can assure you, that's not true. The Lord has a solid reputation going back thousands of years. When men were dwelling in tents and caves, the Blessing Clause was guarding households with the same coverage he gives today.
LYNN: Then why hasn't he done it for us?
JAMES: I don't know, Mrs. Habersham. You didn't happen to bring your paperwork, did you?
BARRON: Yes, it's right here.
Barron hands James a folder.
JAMES: Let me see here. Termites... abstract... ah, yes. The Blessing Clause. Let me see here... Oh dear. Yep. Just what I thought.
BARRON: What is it?
JAMES: You've read this document, right?
BARRON: Yes.
JAMES: Did you catch the terms and conditions clause?
BARRON: Terms and conditions?
JAMES: Right here. "The Lord's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous."
LYNN: What does that mean?
JAMES: It means the Blessing Clause is null and void if the inhabitants of the house do not walk in righteousness.
BARRON: Modern English, Mr. James. What does that mean?
JAMES: It means, God blesses those who live a righteous life, but his curse is on homes where the people are.... well...
LYNN: Are you calling us wicked?
JAMES: Well, that's not for me to say, Mrs. Habersham. I don't consider other people to be wicked, necessarily, but we're all guilty of wicked thoughts and actions.
BARRON: If that were true, then nobody could have their house blessed.
JAMES: Except by the grace of God, which only comes to those who are righteous.
LYNN: So what's the matter with us? We're good people. It's not like we're tax cheats, right? (pause) Right?
BARRON: You know, I didn't declare all my my eBay earnings last year.
LYNN: Barron!
BARRON: How could I? Some paid money order, some Paypal, some checks. It was just easier to say I didn't do anything.
Lynn picks up the Blessing Clause. As they argue, they begin to yell and get in each other's faces.
LYNN: Do you realize what you cost us?
BARRON: Don't start with me! Who spends an hour a night spreading the neighborhood gossip, or trying to figure out which of our neighbors is having an affair?
LYNN: I think we have a right to know if our neighbors are good people.
BARRON: You're addicted to gossip! Admit it! You love all that lurid innuendo!
LYNN: Well I have to get my thrills some place because my husband is too busy watching girls on trampolines and bikini mud wrestling!
BARRON: Maybe if you fixed yourself up now and then, I wouldn't get so distracted by girls in bikinis!
LYNN: Maybe if you paid attention to me as a person and not a thing, I would!
BARRON: You're obviously dressing up for somebody because I've seen the credit card bills!
LYNN: You wanna talk about the credit card? Let's talk about all those charges you racked up on that girlie website in Amsterdam!
BARRON: Hag!
LYNN: Pig!
They stop, then slowly look over at James, who smiles. Barron and Lynn smile, embarrassed, compose themselves, and sit back down.
BARRON: Okay, that was wicked.
JAMES: Yes, a little bit.
LYNN: I know we don't deserve this, but I have to ask: is there anything we can do to fix this?
JAMES: As a matter of fact, there is.
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