New Skit for Kids - The Ten Commandments

A few years ago, a lady emailed me with one of the most unusual requests ever: she wanted 3-4 puppet ministry skits that would use a vampire puppet she had acquired. I wish I was still in touch with her, because this is far better and funnier than the ones I wrote back then.

Count Yorga and the 10 Commandments
By John Cosper

CHARACTERS
John- A teacher
Count Yorga- A vampire puppet

JOHN: Good morning, kids! My name is John*, and this is my friend Count Yorga.
YORGA: Good evening.
JOHN: Actually, Count, it's morning.
YORGA: Yes, but to me, it's evening. You see I am nocturnal. I only come out at night, and when the sun comes up, I go to bed.
JOHN: You do know the sun has been up for several hours?
YORGA: It has??? What time is it?
JOHN: It's ten o'clock.
YORGA: Ten o'clock?? That's way past my bed time! Shh, don't tell my Mom and Dad.
JOHN: So I was hoping you could help me with a Bible lesson this morning.
YORGA: What lesson is that?
JOHN: We were just about to discuss the Ten Commandments.
YORGA: Ah yes, the Ten Commandments. Great movie.
JOHN: Not the movie. I mean the real Ten Commandments, the laws God gave us to live by.
YORGA: You mean the ones I have never broken?
JOHN: What do you mean, you've never broken them?
YORGA: I mean I'm perfect. I never broke God's law. Ever.
JOHN: Is that a fact?
YORGA: You want to test me, buddy?
JOHN: Okay then. Let's look at the Commandments then. Number one. You shall have no other God's before me.
YORGA: Before you? Ha ha ha! Whatever, man. Like I'd pray to you.
JOHN: I don't mean me. I mean God.
YORGA: But you just said we should have no other gods before you.
JOHN: I was quoting God, Count.
YORGA: Oh. Well, I can honestly say I have had no other gods before him.
JOHN: Very good.
YORGA: You on the other hand...
JOHN: All right, all right. Number two: you shall not make any idols. Ever break that one?
YORGA: Hmm. Does voting for American Idol count?
JOHN: Not if you didn't pray to them.
YORGA: I never prayed to Simon Cowell, even though he thinks he's God. So I think I'm good.
JOHN: All right. Number three: You should not use God's name in vain.
YORGA: Never did that. I don't swear at all.
JOHN: Really?
YORGA: Really, I never do!
JOHN: Would you swear to that fact?
YORGA: Yes I... ah, you almost got me!
JOHN: Guess I gotta get up pretty early in the morning to get you.
YORGA: In the morning? Try the night before, buddy.
JOHN: Number four: Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.
YORGA: Define Sabbath.
JOHN: That means the one day we set aside for church should be a day of rest.
YORGA: Oh that's easy.
JOHN: So you rest on the Sabbath?
YORGA: I rest every day. And then I party all night!
JOHN: Number five: honor your father and mother.
YORGA: No problem. I-- What did you say?
JOHN: Honor your father and mother.
YORGA: No really. What's it say?
JOHN: Honor your father and mother.
YORGA: That's really in there?
JOHN: Yes.
YORGA: Oh boy. I'm in big trouble.
JOHN: Count Yorga, do you mean you disobey your parents?
YORGA: Boy do I ever! They always tell me do the dishes. Pick up your room. Feed the dogs. I never do any of it.
JOHN: I thought you never broke any of the Ten Commandments.
YORGA: I didn't know that one was in there! I'm in trouble!!
JOHN: Number six: you shall not kill.
YORGA: Oh boy!
JOHN: What's the matter, Count?
YORGA: I'm a vampire! I have to kill to eat!
JOHN: Do you kill people?
YORGA: Yes, but only puppet people.
JOHN: Number seven: you shall not commit adultery.
YORGA: Adultery? Is that like a nursery for grown-ups?
JOHN: No, but it is something grown ups do.
YORGA: Well, I guess I’m safe there, considering I never grew up. All right. Coming back. Number eight?
JOHN: Number eight, you shall not steal.
YORGA: Oh boy.
JOHN: Count Yorga, you mean you steal?
YORGA: What do you expect? I'm a vampire! I rob the bank once a week.
JOHN: Which bank?
YORGA: The blood bank.
JOHN: You mean you don't have an account?
YORGA: They denied my credit.
JOHN: Number nine, you shall not lie.
YORGA: Oh boy!
JOHN: You lie too?
YORGA: Well, I lied about the Commandments, didn't I?
JOHN: Number ten: you shall not covet. Do you know what coveting is?
YORGA: It's when you desire, in your heart, to possess something that rightly belongs to someone else.
JOHN: Very good. Where did you learn that?
YORGA: It was a vocab word in little vampire school last week.
JOHN: So do you ever covet?
YORGA: Not really. Well, Frankenstein's monster has a really sweet iPod. And the Wolfman has a cool new car. And the Creature from the Black Lagoon is such a great swimmer, and I wish I could swim. And I am such a horrible sinner!
JOHN: Take it easy, Count Yorga. You're not the only one.
YORGA: I'm not?
JOHN: How many perfect people do you think there are?
YORGA: I don't know. I know you're not.
JOHN: Thanks.
YORGA: I'd say, twenty? Thirty?
JOHN: Count, there has only been one perfect person, God's only son Jesus.
YORGA: Really?
JOHN: The Bible tells us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But thanks to Jesus, who died for our sins and was raised back to life, we don't have to spend eternity separated from God.
YORGA: Well, that makes me feel a whole lot better.
JOHN: I knew it would.
YORGA: Gotta make you feel better too, right? You big sinner.
JOHN: So what have we learned today?
YORGA: Well, from the sound of those Ten Commandments, God expects a lot out of us, more than we could ever do on our own. So he sent Jesus to pay the price for our sins.
JOHN: That's right. And as God's children, should we give up on the Ten Commandments?
YORGA: Yes.
JOHN: No.
YORGA: Why not?
JOHN: Because living by the Ten Commandments will make this a better world. They're all about teaching us to love God and love others. So if we want other people to know Jesus...
YORGA: We should live the way he would and show how good he is.
JOHN: Exactly.
YORGA: So I should probably be nicer to my Mom and Dad, huh?
JOHN: You better.
YORGA: Which means I better go. My bed time was three hours ago!
JOHN: Say good night, Yorga.
YORGA: Good morning!