New Skit on Business Ethics & Integrity

I know, it's a dull header, but it gets to the point. I got a little disillusioned today with some of our traditional American business practices, like passing the buck, denying responsibility, and inventing loopholes to avoid doing the right thing. It's an okay skit, but I think okay can be hilarious if you have an actor play the king who can do a Christopher Walken impression.

Just Business: A Fairy Tale
By John Cosper

CHARACTERS
Narrator
The King
The Princess
The Prince
The Prince's Servant

The Narrator is on stage with a storybook. The King and the Princess enter. The King sits on a throne.

NARR: Once upon a time, there was a king who had a beautiful daughter. Men from all around the world sent proposals of marriage to the king, but the king said:
KING: Whoever would marry my daughter must perform three impossible tasks. First, they must swim across the King's River alone through shark infested waters. Second, they must bring me a vial of cool water from the Lake of the Abominable Snow Man, water so cool it chills you to the bone. And third, they must bring me a scale from the hide of the great dragon Gillrog.
NARR: The king knew these tasks to be impossible, hence the name, three impossible tasks. But the King, who did want grandchildren one day, assured each man that undertook these mighty tasks:
KING: It's nothing personal. It's just business.
NARR: Men from around the world tried to swim the River. All were eaten by sharks. Some men chose to start in the middle and visit the Lake of the Abominable Snow Man. All of them were eaten. And a few brave souls attempted to visit the mighty dragon Gillrog. They, too, were eaten. Until one day...

Trumpets winded within. The Prince enters with his Servant.

PRINCE: Hail, mighty king! I have come to claim my bride!
KING: Welcome, young prince. I hate to tell you this, but any man who wants to win my daughter has got to perform three impossible tasks.
PRINCE: But I have, o King! I have performed each task as it is written, and am come to claim my prize.
KING: Really? Can you prove this?
PRINCE: Happy to, your majesty. First, I journeyed to the King's River, a treacherous body infested with sharks. I jumped in at Merlin's Bluff, and swam across to the Beach of Arthur.
KING: The Beach of Arthur?
PRINCE: Yes, your majesty.
KING: That doesn't count.
PRINCE: Why not? Is not the passage from Merlin's Bluff to the Beach of Arthur part of the King's River?
KING: Yeah, but there's no sharks there.
PRINCE: What?
KING: My orders were to swim the river through shark-infested waters. There's no sharks there. Doesn't count.
PRINCE: But I swam the river! I beat you at your own game.
KING: No, no, no. You did not. You gotta do it again. It's not personal, it's just business.
PRINCE: Very well. But I still bear proof that I have completed the other two tasks.
KING: Proceed.

The Servant hands the Prince a vial of water.

PRINCE: You, O King, decreed that the man worthy of your daughter would bring back water from the Lake of the Abominable Snow Man. Behold! A vial of the water from that cold, cold lake.
KING: Let me see that.

The King takes the vial.

KING: Oh come on. This can't be water from the lake.
PRINCE: It is!
KING: It's not cold! I asked for the water that chills you to the bone.
PRINCE: Your majesty, the Lake of the Abominable Snow Man lies on the opposite end of the Blazing Desert! How was I supposed to keep such cold water at such a chilly temperature?
KING: That's why they call it an impossible task. You'll have to do it over.
PRINCE: But--
KING: It's nothing personal, it's just business.
PRINCE: Very well, but the hardest, and most impossible of the three tasks is indeed complete.

The Servant hands the Prince a dragon scale.

PRINCE: Behold! A scale from the back of the dragon Gillrog.
KING: I'll be the judge of that.

The King takes the scale.

PRINCE: Well?
KING: This is not the dragon's scale.
PRINCE: Yes it is!
KING: No it's not.
PRINCE: I took it from his hide myself!
KING: You picked this up on the ground somewhere. Gillrog's an orange dragon. This scale is burnt siena.
PRINCE: Burnt Siena?
KING: Sorry, kid, it's not personal, it's just business.
NARR: The Prince was sad. He had worked so hard to win the princess, only to discover the king to be a ruthless man who never kept his word. So the Prince drew his sword and stabbed the king.

The Prince stabs the King.

KING: This... isn't... right...

The King falls dead. The Prince grabs the Princess.

PRINCE: Sorry, King. It's nothing personal. It's just business.