Righteous Insanity

Corning, NY: Home of the best iced coffee in the world

If you’re ever driving down I-86 in Western New York, take the time to detour into Corning and stop by a little coffee shop on Main Street called Soulful Cup, home of the greatest coffee drink known to man: Soulful Cup’s iced Crème Brulee coffee.

I had my second Crème Brulee coffee yesterday when my wife and daughter and I arrived in town for a wedding. The first time I had such a drink was the weekend I met the bride and groom – Sharon and George – and two other friends, Brian and Sara, who would had a major impact on my life.

I was in Corning with Jamie and Shannon on the final extended tour for the Righteous Insanity touring group. We did an acting workshop in the morning with a writing workshop in the afternoon. Normally, I would have eaten lunch with our hosts or the church staff members while the other team members sat with students. This day, however, I sat with George and Sara… and life was never the same since.

We hit it off as a group with the pair. We managed to get them invited along to dinner that night, after which we went to that wondrous coffee shop. It was there we met Brian, and the following day at church we met Sharon. Matter of fact, we sort of ditched our hosts for the last meal before we left town because we were having too much fun with our new friends.

I’ve kept in touch with the four of them the last several years. They’ve been an amazing sounding board for jokes, script ideas, story ideas, and websites beyond Righteous Insanity. George and Brian were even in my wedding.

I’ve been so blessed to have these crazy New Yorkers as friends… and it wouldn’t have happened without me stepping out of my comfort zone that day.

We all face a choice, as leaders or just church members, to sit silently and only shake hands, or to really take a moment to get to know someone else. The easy thing to do is to sit back and be silent. But shyness will never bless you the way opening up to others will.

New Skit on Business Ethics & Integrity

I know, it's a dull header, but it gets to the point. I got a little disillusioned today with some of our traditional American business practices, like passing the buck, denying responsibility, and inventing loopholes to avoid doing the right thing. It's an okay skit, but I think okay can be hilarious if you have an actor play the king who can do a Christopher Walken impression.

Just Business: A Fairy Tale
By John Cosper

CHARACTERS
Narrator
The King
The Princess
The Prince
The Prince's Servant

The Narrator is on stage with a storybook. The King and the Princess enter. The King sits on a throne.

NARR: Once upon a time, there was a king who had a beautiful daughter. Men from all around the world sent proposals of marriage to the king, but the king said:
KING: Whoever would marry my daughter must perform three impossible tasks. First, they must swim across the King's River alone through shark infested waters. Second, they must bring me a vial of cool water from the Lake of the Abominable Snow Man, water so cool it chills you to the bone. And third, they must bring me a scale from the hide of the great dragon Gillrog.
NARR: The king knew these tasks to be impossible, hence the name, three impossible tasks. But the King, who did want grandchildren one day, assured each man that undertook these mighty tasks:
KING: It's nothing personal. It's just business.
NARR: Men from around the world tried to swim the River. All were eaten by sharks. Some men chose to start in the middle and visit the Lake of the Abominable Snow Man. All of them were eaten. And a few brave souls attempted to visit the mighty dragon Gillrog. They, too, were eaten. Until one day...

Trumpets winded within. The Prince enters with his Servant.

PRINCE: Hail, mighty king! I have come to claim my bride!
KING: Welcome, young prince. I hate to tell you this, but any man who wants to win my daughter has got to perform three impossible tasks.
PRINCE: But I have, o King! I have performed each task as it is written, and am come to claim my prize.
KING: Really? Can you prove this?
PRINCE: Happy to, your majesty. First, I journeyed to the King's River, a treacherous body infested with sharks. I jumped in at Merlin's Bluff, and swam across to the Beach of Arthur.
KING: The Beach of Arthur?
PRINCE: Yes, your majesty.
KING: That doesn't count.
PRINCE: Why not? Is not the passage from Merlin's Bluff to the Beach of Arthur part of the King's River?
KING: Yeah, but there's no sharks there.
PRINCE: What?
KING: My orders were to swim the river through shark-infested waters. There's no sharks there. Doesn't count.
PRINCE: But I swam the river! I beat you at your own game.
KING: No, no, no. You did not. You gotta do it again. It's not personal, it's just business.
PRINCE: Very well. But I still bear proof that I have completed the other two tasks.
KING: Proceed.

The Servant hands the Prince a vial of water.

PRINCE: You, O King, decreed that the man worthy of your daughter would bring back water from the Lake of the Abominable Snow Man. Behold! A vial of the water from that cold, cold lake.
KING: Let me see that.

The King takes the vial.

KING: Oh come on. This can't be water from the lake.
PRINCE: It is!
KING: It's not cold! I asked for the water that chills you to the bone.
PRINCE: Your majesty, the Lake of the Abominable Snow Man lies on the opposite end of the Blazing Desert! How was I supposed to keep such cold water at such a chilly temperature?
KING: That's why they call it an impossible task. You'll have to do it over.
PRINCE: But--
KING: It's nothing personal, it's just business.
PRINCE: Very well, but the hardest, and most impossible of the three tasks is indeed complete.

The Servant hands the Prince a dragon scale.

PRINCE: Behold! A scale from the back of the dragon Gillrog.
KING: I'll be the judge of that.

The King takes the scale.

PRINCE: Well?
KING: This is not the dragon's scale.
PRINCE: Yes it is!
KING: No it's not.
PRINCE: I took it from his hide myself!
KING: You picked this up on the ground somewhere. Gillrog's an orange dragon. This scale is burnt siena.
PRINCE: Burnt Siena?
KING: Sorry, kid, it's not personal, it's just business.
NARR: The Prince was sad. He had worked so hard to win the princess, only to discover the king to be a ruthless man who never kept his word. So the Prince drew his sword and stabbed the king.

The Prince stabs the King.

KING: This... isn't... right...

The King falls dead. The Prince grabs the Princess.

PRINCE: Sorry, King. It's nothing personal. It's just business.

New Skit: For the Christmas/Easter Folks

A bit of a tongue-in-cheek quickie for Christmas and Easter. Be sure to temper this with love.

Blending In
By John Cosper

CHARACTERS
Jack & Jill – Church members

JACK: Good morning, and Happy Easter! We’re so glad to see so many of you here this morning, and we’d like to say an extra big hello to all of you out there who only come twice a year.
JILL: Hello! We know you’re here, and we’re glad to have you.
JACK: That’s right. We’re not fools here. We know a lot of you think that Christmas and Easter are enough for you and God. And we also know you probably don’t want to be singled out for your twice a year habit.
JILL: Too bad.
JACK: Yeah, try as you might, most of you stick out like a sore thumb. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Next holiday, you can blend in like a regular member.
JILL: So grab a pen and the back of your bulletin and jot down the top five tips for looking less like a Christmas and Easter Christian.
JACK: Number five: Dress down. When you come into church with a suit, or ladies with a hat and a corsage—
JILL: Busted!
JACK: If you’re gonna dress up like that, you might as well right “Christmas and Easter Christian” in red letters on your forehead. Better to slob out and blend like the rest of us.
JILL: Number four: Be proactive during the greeting time.
JACK: That’s right don’t be a wallflower. You grab the hand, and you be the one putting the other guy on the spot.
JILL: Hey! How are you? Nice to see you! Haven’t seen you here since last Christmas!
JACK: Number three: bring your offering in a tiny envelope. Because the tiny envelope says three simple words:
JILL: I belong here!
JACK: A tiny envelope will help you blend, but remember – if you want to get that tax break at the end of the year, you better join the church and get real ones.
JILL: Number two: critique the service loudly, making comments like:
JACK: I thought the band was on this week!
JILL: I sure like the songs we’ve sung the last few weeks.
JACK: Didn’t you think the sermon was better last week?
JILL: Hey, I think pastor got a haircut!
JACK: And the number one way to blend in with the other regular church attendees: come back next week.
JILL: And the next.
JACK: And the week after that!
JACK: We don’t bite.
JILL: We promise not to embarrass you every week.
JACK: And remember: tiny envelopes equal tax deductions every April!
JILL: Thanks for coming!

New Skit - Chicken L-l-l-l-little

Chicken L-l-l-little
By John Cosper

CHARACTERS
Chicken Little - A stuttering chick
Patty, Polly, Peggy - Hens
Rex Rooster - An eloquent speaker
The Narrator

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Although inspired by current events (with a little help from Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and William Shakespeare, this script is in no way intended to be a statement about any political candidate or party and should not be used as such. I merely wish to pose a question we should all ask in regards to politicians, pastors, teachers, and anyone who claims to speak with authority. What's more important: the words that are spoken, or the manner in which they are spoken?

The Narrator enters.

NARR: Once upon a time, there was a little chicken who knew the truth.

Polly and Patty are on stage. Chicken Little enters. He speaks with a terrible stammer.

LITTLE: L-l-l-l-l-l-ladies! L-l-l-l-l-l-listen to me!
POLLY: Hey, Patty, l-l-l-look, it's Chicken L-l-l-little.

Polly and Patty laugh.

LITTLE: L-l-l-l-listen, l-l-l-adies! The sky is f-f-f-f-falling!
POLLY: The what?
LITTLE: The s-s-s-s-sky is f-f-f-falling.
PATTY: What did he say?
POLLY: I believe he said the sky is falling.
PATTY: Is it really?
LITTLE: A p-p-p-p-piece of it hit me on the h-h-h-h-head! L-l-l-look!

He shows them a fallen, broken ceiling tile.

PATTY: Well what do you think?
POLLY: Well, it certainly looks like the sky.
PATTY: If this is true, then everyone must know! We have to act fast!

Peggy enters. Patty and Polly speak to her, making soft clucking sounds under the narration.

NARR: So word began to spread, and people began to hear the truth.
PEGGY: Are you sure?
PATTY: A piece of it fell on him!
POLLY: We saw it with our own eyes?
PEGGY: But how can we trust him? He's just a little guy! And he has that terrible stammer.
POLLY: Yes, he does stutter.
PATTY: But does that mean he is not telling the truth?

Rex Rooster enters.

REX: Ladies, ladies, do not fear!
PATTY: Why look, it's that handsome Rex Rooster!
REX: Pay no attention to that stuttering chick! For I have a great speaking voice, and a charismatic style. I speak eloquently, and do not fumble my words. See how easily I pronounce words like smokescreen.
HENS: Ooooh!
REX: Misdirection.
HENS: Ahhh!
REX: Song and dance!
HENS: Ohhh!
LITTLE: But the sk-sk-sk-sk-sky is f-f-f-f-f
REX: My friends, who would you rather believe? The stammerings of a little chick? Or the big, booming voice of a rooster like me?
PEGGY: He has such a nice voice.
NARR: He did have a nice voice. But Rex Rooster was more than just a great speaker. He was also legally blind.

A loud sound of shattering glass makes the Hens jump and cluck.

PATTY: What was that?
LITTLE: The sky! The sk-sk-sk-sky is f-f-f-falling!
REX: Poppycock! The sky is not falling!
POLLY: It sure sounds like it!
REX: Do you hear it in the tone of my voice? My dulcet, soothing tones?
POLLY: Well, no.
PEGGY: But that did look like a piece of the sky.
REX: My friends, I have had my eyes to the heavens, and I see no evidence that we should be worried.
NARR: He saw no evidence, because he was legally blind.

Another crash.

LITTLE: It's f-f-f-falling! W-w-w-we're all g-g-g-gonna d-d-d-d-die!

The Hens cluck in fear.

REX: Ladies, do not listen any more to this fear-mongering! Listen to the way words roll trippingly off my tongue, for I am as silver-tonged a speaker as you will ever see. My words sound better. They are spoken with confidence.
POLLY: But are they true?
PEGGY: They sound true.
PATTY: But I saw a piece of the sky fall!
REX: And I tell you I see no evidence the sky is falling.
NARR: He saw no evidence, because he was legally blind.
PATTY: Well, I guess we should follow Rex Rooster then.
PEGGY: His word is good enough for me.
POLLY: He has such a nice voice.
PATTY: And he sounds so intelligent.

The Hens exit. Rex starts to exit, headed toward the Narrator.

NARR: He sounded intelligent, and his words were smooth as silk. But Rex Rooster was legally blind.

Rex bumps into the Narrator.

REX: Sorry.
NARR: Don't mention it.
REX: Could you give me a little push?

The Narrator aims Rex, who wanders off stage.

NARR: And so the chickens followed Rex, and the perished when the sky fell on their heads.

Another loud crash. The Hens cluck in pain off stage.

NARR: All except Chicken Little.
LITTLE: W-w-w-w-what a bunch of duh-duh-duh-duh-dummies.

Two People You Need

There are two people you can't do without as a church drama leader.

Not everyone has them, but if you do, your work and your ministry will be truly blessed by their presence:

The Techie - There's nothing like having your own, dedicated techie to really make your drama productions run smoothly. I don't mean the guy who's there Sunday to run the sound board anyway. I mean a dedicated, practice-attending, go the the extremes techie. The kind of guy (or girl) who has every song and sound effect imaginable on his laptop, just in case he might need it. The kind of guy who can climb to the top of a ladder and stand on the very top to move a light two inches to the left without flinching. When you find a techie who totally commits to you and your team, buy them lunch once or twice a month. Give them gift cards to Home Depot and the Apple iStore. Bless them, for they will bless you more.

The Lady (or Guy) Who Can Get Anything - This is probably not an actor, nor a techie, but this is a person with connections who has a passion to see drama succeed in your church. They know people. They know who has what, where to find that obscure prop or costume item, and they can get it for you within 24 hours, usually at no cost to you. Any help that saves you time and effort is worth keeping around. Again, take this person to lunch regularly. When you need three lab coats or a super hero costume for a skit in two days, this is the person that will save your life.

Desperate Housewives of the Bible

My old co-worker and friend Bethany Deluna was the inspiration for this one the day she said, "Hey John, why don't you do a skit called Desperate Housewives from the Bible?" This one, like the old Adam and Eve film, was largely inspired by the brilliant Len Cella, creator of the Moron Movies. Enjoy.

Get Desperate Housewives of the Bible and more than 20 other Christian-themed shorts on "Holy Shorts", now on DVD from Righteous Insanity.

New "Grab Bag" CD-Rom

This was a spur of the moment thing, one of those ideas you get at midnight that keeps you up three hours. I was sorting through the new material I've written in the last year when I started looking at the material labeled "Old Writing Jobs." After I deleted a number of skits that I regretted losing years back, I have always, ALWAYS saved everything. The trouble is not everything fits neatly into the RI catalog, and not everything fits neatly with my publishers' needs either.

Some of the stuff is dated. And some stuff... eh, kinda corny. But all of it had a purpose and a use at one time. Who's to say some clever drama leader or worship planner can't shake the dust off and make them useful again?

Introducing the Righteous Insanity grab bag, a CD rom with over 140 unique and oddball skits and plays. The CD includes skits skits that were written for VBS programs, sermon series, kids camps, western plays, dinner theaters. Almost all came as a result of my writing service.

The scripts on the Grab Bag are yours to play with, edit, modify, and produce for your own church or theater ministry. Whether you're looking for a new idea for a sermon series, planning VBS, or just curious to see what strange ideas other folks have found useful, the Grab Bag has something for everyone... except fans of average slice of life drama.

To order the Grab Bag, go to www.righteousinsanity.com/cdrom.html

Shakespeare with "Attitude"

I shared this with the kids at Christian Academy in the "Midsummer Night's Dream" cast recently. I don't think they believed me. This article is from 2007; the production has come and gone, sadly, but it's hardly forgettable. If there's video of this out there, and you come across it, please send me a link!

Eastern Illinois University is putting a pro wrestling spin on its presentation of Shakespeare's "As You Like It" this weekend. The director tells the Times Courier that they researched pro wrestlers and matched them with characters in the play and based the costumes on looks of WWE wrestlers. One character is 6 foot 4 inches and is based on The Undertaker. The set itself resembles a wrestling ring with a padded floor and the forest has ring ropes and belts hanging from the ceiling and the trees are made of spandex.

They Only Come Twice a Year...

When I was in college, I attended a church with a very sharp psychologist turned pastor. He was an excellent preacher 50 weeks of the year. But on 2 Sundays - Christmas and Easter - he kicked it up a notch. The twice a year attendees who came on those two Sundays got an in your face, no holds barred assault from a man who knew how to lay the smackdown. Christmas and Easter wasn't just about the birth and resurrection. He brought it all that Sunday: abortion, adultery, moral absolutes, homosexuality. You name it, it was in there. He knew he had two chances a year to make an impact, and he aimed to make an IMPACT. I admired his gusto at the time... though in retrospect, I wonder how many people ever came back the week after.

Fast forward about ten years. Same church, new location, new seeker-friendly attitude. Gone is the now retired psychologist with a seminary degree. In with the folksy people person with the big smile. The Christmas carols were still there, accompanied by a rock band instead of an organ. But the hard-hitting sermon was gone in favor of a 30 minute drama so forgettable, the only thing I remember is that there was a fireplace. After the drama came five minutes of "I love you, you love me" talk, followed by the big finale number. The stage filled with singers, actors, Nativity characters, live sheep, and a ballerina who had one move that she did back and forth. The only thing missing was a big, flashing neon sign with the message, "Happy Birthday, Jesus, from your pals."

I'm not gonna say one is right or one is wrong. I share these stories to pose a few questions.

How do you intend to impact those twice-a-year people this Easter?

Are you doing it for their sake, for the church's image, or for God?

Easter Skit Preview - I Don't Wanna Dye!

This is my wife's favorite skit. A few folks have purchased this one from my website for this year, but I thought posting it here might get a few more to take a look. The video version is available (with better sound quality) on the Righteous Insanity DVD Holy Shorts. The script is available for individual purchase or as part of the Righteous Insanity Easter Collection.