The Golden Compass - A Skit for Church

The Golden Compass
By John Cosper

CHARACTERS
Dan- A salesman
Tom- A marketing genius
Nicole- A Christian
Shoppers

NOTE: This skit is dedicated to Phillip Pullman, whom I pray may come to know Jesus as his Savior.

Dan is on stage behind a table covered with small boxes. He has a sign that says “Golden Compasses for Sale” and he holds a gold compass. Shoppers pass him by without even noticing.

DAN: Golden compasses! Get your golden compasses right here. Golden compasses, only five bucks. Know where you are and where you’re going with this golden compass. Only five dollars.

Tom enters.

TOM: Hey, Dan.
DAN: Hey, Tom.
TOM: Still in the golden compass business?
DAN: You want one? Only five bucks.
TOM: Let me see that.
DAN: Take a look! Isn’t it shiny?
TOM: It’s shiny… (opens the compass) Hmm, not a lot character to it though. And look at this. No structure.
DAN: I know.
TOM: Ha. It doesn’t even point to true north.
DAN: What?
TOM: Here, see for yourself.

Tom pulls a compass out of his pocket. Dan looks.

DAN: Aww, man! They’re all broken!
TOM: Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re in a tough market. You’re not only competing against other compasses, but GPS systems too.
DAN: What are you saying? You think I should give up?
TOM: Not at all. You just need a clever marketing gimmick.
DAN: Yeah? Like what?

Nicole enters and walks past. Tom rushes over to her.

TOM: Excuse me, ma’am. May I have a word?

Tom pulls Nicole aside. They whisper. At one point she looks at Dan with a look of utter HORROR! She clasps her mouth. Tom tells her one more thing. She shakes her head yes and runs off, with one last look of disdain for Dan.

DAN: Well?
TOM: Go home, pack up all the compasses you have in inventory, come back tomorrow, and double your price.
DAN: Double my price? What did you do? What did you tell her?
TOM: That woman’s a Christian. I just told her your compasses cause demon possession in small children. You’re welcome.