Righteous Insanity

Free Skit Monday - April Fools

A little something for Wrestlemania Sunday this year. Not really a point, but sometimes its nice just to open with a good laugh. 

 

April Fools

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com

 

CHARACTERS

Jeff – A guy in love

Dave – Jeff’s wise friend

April – A pretty blonde with blue eyes 

 

Jeff enters, dressed very nicely. He's carrying a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. He sits at a table on stage. Dave enters. He starts to pass, but then stops when he sees Jeff.

 

DAVE: Jeff? Jeff Miller?

JEFF: Oh hey, Dave.

DAVE: I almost didn't recognize you.

JEFF: Really?

DAVE: I'm used to seeing you in a T-shirt and jeans. Are you going to a wedding or something?

JEFF: I don't know, maybe.

DAVE: Maybe?

JEFF: I'm meeting someone.

DAVE: You are?

JEFF: Yeah.

DAVE: You mean like a girl?

JEFF: Yeah.

DAVE: I didn't know you had a girlfriend.

JEFF: I don't. At least, I don't right now, but maybe if things go well.

DAVE: Is she pretty?

JEFF: Oh yes! She's very pretty. She has blonde hair and blue eyes.

DAVE: Wow.

JEFF: She's so cool too. She likes football and basketball and baseball.

DAVE: Get out!

JEFF: She also likes Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

DAVE: Come on, really?

JEFF: Yes, really.

DAVE: She sounds like the perfect woman.

JEFF: I know! I can't wait to meet her.

DAVE: What's her name?

JEFF: April.

DAVE: April what?

JEFF: April Fools.

 

Dave looks at the audience, then at Jeff.

 

DAVE: April Fools?

JEFF: Yes.

DAVE: Are you joking with me? Is this a prank?

JEFF: Why do you think this is a prank?

DAVE: Come on, Jeff. April Fools? You think I'm going to fall for that?

JEFF: Fall for what? I'm not joking.

DAVE: Jeff, if you're not joking, someone else is.

JEFF: What do you mean?

DAVE: Come on, Jeff, April Fools? A blonde haired, blue eyed girl who loves Star Wars and football and basketball and baseball? No woman is that perfect!

JEFF: April is!

DAVE: April FOOLS?

JEFF: Yes, she... Oh my goodness... Oh my goodness, do you think--

DAVE: Yes! Someone's playing a trick on you!

JEFF: I can't beleive it. Oh, I feel like such a... such a...

DAVE: A fool?

JEFF: Yes.

DAVE: I'm so sorry, Jeff. I really hate to hurt you like this.

JEFF: No, no, it's not your fault. I'm the one who fell for it. April Fools. How could I be so foolish?

 

Jeff stands up, leaving the flowers and candy on the table.

 

DAVE: Hey, don't feel bad, man. Let me buy you some lunch or something.

JEFF: Look, I just had my heart broken. I think I'd like to be alone for a while.

 

Jeff walks away slowly. Dave picks up the candy. April enters.

 

APRIL: Hi there.

DAVE: Well, hello.

APRIL: You must be Jeff.

DAVE: Jeff who?

APRIL: Jeff Miller?

DAVE: No he was just... who are you?

APRIL: I'm April.

DAVE: April?

APRIL: April Fools.

DAVE: (does a double take) You're April... April Fools????

APRIL: Yes.

DAVE: (yells off) Jeff! Hey, Jeff, get back here!

 

Dave runs away. Jeff sneaks on the other side of the stage. April turns to him.

 

JEFF: Did he fall for it?

APRIL: Oh yeah!

 

They high five and exit.

 

Why Writer/Directors Should Listen to Their Actors

This is one of the most famous scenes in movie history. It has been copied, mocked, duplicated, and quoted since the movie was first released more than 25 years ago. It's one of the most iconic scenes in the movie.

It was also not in the script. Not one word.

Ben Stein was lecturing the extras who were in the classroom during their down time. Writer/director John Hughes heard him and decided to film him giving his lecture. Hughes told him just to teach something he knew well, so Ben Stein gave his famous lecture on the Laffer Curve completely unscripted.

This is a lesson to all of you writers and writer/directors who are too proud, too stubborn, too stuck up to let anyone (anyone? anyone?) give you input on your script. Be open to the ideas of others, especially the creative talent you have on set interpreting your work. They may end up making you look more brilliant and funny than you actually are.

If your name is Woody Allen, you may ignore this. You have more than earned that right.

New video series premieres in February!

We've got a new video series headed your way soon. It's a talk show that attempts to shine the light of truth on issues like parenting, marriage, and the way we relate to others. It's hosted by Scotty Love, a man who sincerely believes he is doing some good in the world with this show. Trouble is, Scotty doesn't have a clue. He's that guy in the office who soured you on going to that megachurch by his judgmental attitude. He's a man who's never heard the phrase "practice what you preach." He is everything the world hates about believers.

 

Righteous Insanity is proud to announce the arrival of "The Scotty Love Show."

 

Scotty Love is a great tool (no pun intended) for reaching out to seekers because he's the guy that's turned all of them (and many believers) away from a relationship in Christ. He's a hypocrite. He's kind of a jerk. And he's completely blinded by his own self-righteousness.

 

Thankfully, Scotty doesn't go it alone. Every episode features a guest or two, including Scott's wife, daughter, and a bunch of church pals, who do their best to help Scotty learn a thing or two. He never does, but through their interactions with Scott provide a great jumping off point for sermons and discussions about relationship issues including prayer, judging others, singleness, and being a good communicator.

 

Scotty Love will be available on Youtube, Godtube, and Sermon Spice. You're going to love to hate this guy, and you're going to love the way he opens doors for sharing the truth of God's Word.

Free Skit Monday - The Old Testament Price Is Right

Looking for a really deep, moving drama? Yeah, this isn't for you. 

 

The Old Testament Price Is Right

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com

 

CHARACTERS

An historian

An announcer

Ezekiel, Dorcas, Hezekiah, Martha – Game show contestants

Malachi – A game show host

 

The historian walks on stage.

 

HISTORIAN: Until only recently, it was widely believed that game shows were an invention of the 20^th century. But archaeologists, working in conjunction with Biblical scholars, have now confirmed that game shows first gained popularity around the same time Jesus walked the Earth. It’s true. And tonight, we’re going to give you a peek at what a game show looked like during Jesus’ time. And to really help you feel like you’re there, we’re going to do it in the King James Version. Enjoy. 

 

The historian exits. Play the Price is Right theme.

 

ANNOUNCER- It's time once again for Jerusalem’s most favorite game show! Ezekiel, come on down!

 

Ezekiel runs down the aisle.

 

ANNOUNCER- Dorcas Baker, come on down!

 

Dorcas runs down front.

 

ANNOUNCER- Hezekiah Daniels, come on down!

 

Hezekiah runs down front.

 

ANNOUNCER- And Martha Berry, come on down! Thou art the first four contestants on the Price Is Right!

 

Crowd cheers even louder.

 

ANNOUNCER- And now, here is thine host of the Amish Price Is Right, Malachiiiiiiiiii Barker!

 

Malachi enters.

 

MALACHI- Thank you, thank you. Welcome to the Amish Price Is Right. Contestants, please direct thine eyes to see what my Modest Young Daughters are bringing out for bids.

ANNOUNCER- It's a new wine skin!

 

A model – dressed in the same Biblical attire as the others - enters with the butter churn. Audience "Oooos."

 

ANNOUNCER- From wine skins of Nazareth comes this handsome new wine skin, ideal for storing new wine and attractive enough to serve at thy next party. Malachi?

MALACHI- Ezekiel, what doest thou bid for this wine skin?

EZEKIEL- Two… no three bottles of olive oil. 

MALACHI- Three bottles of olive oil. Dorcas?

DORCAS- Four loaves and one fish, Malachi.

MALACHI- Four loaves and one fish. Hezekiah?

 

Hezekiah hesitates, listening to the audience.

 

MALACHI- Bid thou, Hezekiah!

HEZEKIAH- Eight bags of grain!

MALACHI- Eight bags of grain. Martha?

MARTHA- One sow!

MALACHI- One sow. Actual price is…

 

Malachi unrolls and reads a small scroll.

 

MALACHI - One a half sows! Martha, thou art a winner!

 

Chimes ding, the crowd cheers, and Martha runs on stage.

 

MALACHI- Martha, art thou a wife?

MARTHA- I am, with five sons and three daughters.

MALACHI- Well just imagine how blessed they will be if you ride home on this!

ANNOUNCER- A NEW DONKEY!!!!

 

A stage door opens to reveal the mule. The crowd goes bonkers.

 

ANNOUNCER- Bred in the fields near Bethlehem, this two year old donkey is ideal for light duty farm work, travel excursions, carrying goods to market, or cruising thy hometown on a Sunday night. Malachi? 

MALACHI- And Martha, that donkey will be thine if thou winneth the High/Low game. Thou knowest how to play. Thou shalt try to guess the price within the alotted time. I will tell thee if thine bids are high or low. Ready?

MARTHA- I am.

 

A model enters with a small hourglass.

 

MALACHI- Start thou the clock.

 

The model turns the hourglass over.

 

MALACHI- Go!

MARTHA- One quail!

MALACHI- Higher.

MARTHA- Fifteen chickens.

MALACHI- Lower.

MARTHA- Eight gallons of olive oil!

MALACHI- Higher.

MARTHA- Two bottles of nard.

MALACHI- Lower.

MARTHA- Five yards of fine purple silk!

MALACHI- Higher.

MARTHA- Two baby goats!

 

The bell rings. Martha jumps in celebration.

 

MALACHI- Thou hast guessed correctly! Thou hast won a donkey! We shall see thee at the big grinders wheel. And we shall be back with more pricing games after this word! This is Malachi Barker reminding thee thou shalt not to spay or neuter thy livestock!

 

Cut to commercial break.

 

Martian Queen review online!

The verdict is in on Martian Queen: The Adventures of Stewart John Jones of Mars, at least according to the Christian SciFi and Fantasy Review.

The bad news is - I am a horrible proofreader.

The good news is - they loved just about everything else about the book!

Check out the review by clicking here.

Get the book from Amazon.com by clicking here. (It's on Kindle too.)

Big thank you to Christian SciFi and Fantasy Review for giving Martian Queen a look!

30 Seconds or Less skit book - Now with 40% more funny!

In 2008 Righteous Insanity released the ebook "30 Seconds or Less," a collection of sketches that lasted 30 seconds or less. These blackout skits are ideal fillers for youth events, video packages, and just about any other place you might need a quick laugh or a few seconds of funny. 

Now that book just got even better! Introducing the newly expanded "30 Seconds or Less" with 40% more funny. That translates to 12 brand new skits added to the 30 from the first book. 

of course the best part about this deal is that the book is still 100% free. Just go to the Righteous Insanity Free Stuff page and download your copy now. You will laugh. You will come away saying, "We have to do this one." 

Top 10 Reasons Megaforce is Better than Titanic

Top 10 Reasons Megaforce is Cooler than Titanic           

So James “I used to make cool movies” Cameron has decided to capitalize on the 3-D craze by converting his undeserving Oscar winner Titanic to the 3-D format. No doubt it will make a ton of money, but this time around, it won’t be making it off me. Not that I’m opposed to retro-fitting old movies with 3-D; I’ll be lining George Lucas’s pockets with more of my hard-earned money every time one of the Star Wars films is re-released. It’s just that I have no desire to sit through that overly long stink bomb again, 3-D or otherwise. Titanic’s a big spectacle piece with one 3-D character in a movie filled with cardboard cut-out characters. After 90 minutes I was the man yelling, “Just sink the boat already!”

I’ll tell you a guy who will get my money if he ever wakes up and smells the 3-D cash: Hal Needham. Hal is the guy who brought us the epic comedy classics Smokey and the Bandit and Cannonball Run. He is also the genius behind the 1982 action epic, Megaforce. Megaforce currently ranks among the first 100 movies on IMDB.com… if you count up from the bottom. It’s a movie I watched at least a hundred times as a kid, and one I continue to enjoy shamelessly as an adult.  

Sadly, Megaforce, is not only not available on Blu-Ray, it was never released on DVD. It’s a crying shame, because the movie does have it’s vocal proponents. I’m sure all eight of them (not counting me) would agree that Megaforce is cooler than Titanic for these ten reasons – and more.

10. Gold spandex. I didn’t see any on the Titanic, but it’s inescapable in Megaforce – for better or worse.

9. The “thumb kiss.” Nothing more to say here.

8. The bald chick from Star Trek has hair, and she’s way hotter than Kate Winslet.

7. The good guys always win… even in the 80’s. Who won in Titanic? The iceberg. Considering the iceberg was the thing that brought that trainwreck to an end, I think we can all agree it was the good guy in Titanic.

6. Ace Hunter doesn’t have to declare he’s king of the world. He just flippin’ is.

5. Motorcycles that fire missiles. Did the Titanic have missiles? No. That’s why it sank. 

4. Suspenseful ending. Will Hunter be left behind to die, or will he escape? You don’t know because it’s fiction, not history. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know what happened to the Titanic.

3. Rainbow colored smoke screens. Megaforce has ‘em. Titanic? No.

2. Two words: flying motorcycle.

1. Way cooler theme song. Seriously, do you want to hear Celine Dion, or do you wanna rock out with Journey???

Free Skit Monday: Lucky Charms

Something for St. Patrick's day, or any time you're speaking on putting your faith in superstitions and worldly beliefs. Fans of Groucho and Chico will really enjoy this one. 

Lucky Charms

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com

 

CHARACTERS

Louie- A con man salesman

Amy- A girl looking for good luck

 

Louie enters. He has a small tray strapped around his neck like a popcorn salesman at a ball game. He may have lucky charms like clovers and other items pinned to his costume.

 

LOUIE: Change your fortune! Change your future! Get your lucky charms right here! Find love, find money! Get your lucky charms right here!

 

Amy enters.

 

AMY: Hey, leprechaun guy.

LOUIE: I'm not a leprechaun, I'm a man!

AMY: Sorry. I have a big test today. Do you have anything that will bring me good luck?

LOUIE: As a matter of fact I do. What you need is a lucky, four leaf clover.

 

He picks up the four leaf clover.

 

AMY: Oooooh!

LOUIE: That's right, take this four leaf clover with you, and all the answers will magically come to you.

AMY: How much is it?

LOUIE: It's a steal at only $10.

AMY: Ten dollars??

LOUIE: A small price to pay for a life time of straight A's, my dear.

AMY: Okay, okay. (pays Louie) Here you go.

 

Louie hands her the clover.

 

LOUIE: Thank you very much, young lady.

AMY: Wow, I can't believe that was so easy. Will this help me find love too?

LOUIE: No, no, if you want to find love, you need a lucky rabbit's foot.

AMY: A lucky rabbit's foot?

LOUIE: That's right. (picks up the rabbit's foot) A lucky rabbit's foot, good for finding love and new friends, a steal at only $10.

AMY: Another $10?

LOUIE: A small price to pay for a life time of love.

AMY: Okay, I'll take the rabbit's foot too.

 

They exchange money and the rabbit's foot.

 

LOUIE: Thank you kindly. May you find love and good health all your life.

AMY: Good health? This will bring me good health too?

LOUIE: Of course not, but your lucky horseshoe will.

AMY: Lucky horseshoe? I don't have a lucky horseshoe.

LOUIE: You don't have a lucky horseshoe? Why everyone needs a lucky horseshoe! It's the only way to guarantee a lifetime of good health.

 

He holds up an upside down horseshoe.

 

AMY: Let me guess, that's ten dollars too?

LOUIE: Not today. Today, the lucky horseshoe is absolutely free!

AMY: Free?

LOUIE: Plus a ten dollar delivery fee.

 

Amy scowls. She steps closer to Louie.

 

AMY: If I step here, can you make it five?

LOUIE: (steps away) No, because I'll step here and make it ten again.

AMY: Well, I gotta have good health, right?

 

They exchange money and the horseshoe, which he hands to her upside down.

 

LOUIE: A small price to pay for a lifetime of good health.

AMY: Wow. I can't believe this little thing will bring me good health.

LOUIE: Of course, if you want a long life too, you'll need a right side up horseshoe.

AMY: A what?

LOUIE: What you have there is an upside down horseshoe. That'll bring you good health, but not long life. Now a right side up horseshoe, that'll bring you good health and long life.

AMY: I don't suppose you have a right side up horseshoe in that box, do you?

LOUIE: No, my dear, I'm all sold out.

AMY: You are?

LOUIE: But I can turn that upside down horseshoe into a right side up horseshoe for a ten dollar service fee.

AMY: Service fee?

LOUIE: A small price to pay for a -

AMY/LOUIE: Lifetime of good health.

AMY: I know.

 

Amy hands Louie the money.

 

LOUIE: Thank you, my dear.

 

He take the horseshoe and turns it right side up.

 

LOUIE: And there you go, a right side up horseshoe. Long life, and good health.

AMY: Now all I need is more money.

LOUIE: I got just the thing!

AMY: I'm sure you do!

LOUIE: (he holds up a penny) A lucky penny, guaranteed to bring you great fortune and wads of cash!

AMY: Uh huh. And how much is that gonna cost me?

LOUIE: A lucky penny is priceless, a lucky charm beyond all measure of value. But you can have it today for only ten dollars.

AMY: Ten dollars for a penny?

LOUIE: A small price to pay for the investment of a life time.

AMY: But how do I know it will work?

LOUIE: Are you kidding? Anybody holding this lucky penny is guaranteed to make money.

AMY: They are?

LOUIE: Sure! Why in the time I've been standing here talking to you, I've made forty dollars!

AMY: Sold!

 

Louie quickly takes her money and hands her the penny.

 

LOUIE: Another satisfied customer! (starts to exit quickly) Change your fortune, ladies and gentlemen, change your future. Get your lucky charms right here!

AMY: Wow, a lucky penny. I can't believe me made forty dollars just standing here talking... to... (she gets it) Hey wait a minute!!!

 

Amy chases after Louie.

 

Helping Your Actors to Break Out

Katie was not a shy girl. She was bright and friendly and never met a stranger. But put her on stage and she shrunk. She was soft-spoken, reserved, hesitant. She knew her lines and knew her cues. She just didn't have the guts to really let go.

 

Then one day it happened. In the middle of a free-form improv, Katie ran up on stage, knocked on the imaginary dorm room door and shouted, "Angela, your pregnancy test is here!"

 

That was all it took.

 

In that moment, Katie let go and opened herself up. She never held back vocally or emotionally on stage again. Not that she didn't need coaching and direction, but she was no longer a shrinking violet on stage.

 

I've seen dozens of moments like this over the years, and as a drama teacher, there's nothing sweeter. Seeing a kid click, seeing them have their moment when they let go and discover they can do it is unlike anything else.

 

Many of these moments came in acting workshops I taught in churches and at youth conferences. "Acting Out Your Faith," as if came to be known, is an actor's training program that takes the approach that acting is a game. It's a fun and proven method for bringing out the best in kids, teens, and even adults.

 

And it's free.

 

No, I'm not traveling and teaching any more, but you can download the entire workshop in an easy to follow ebook totally free from Righteous Insanity's website.

 

Download it. Read it. If you have questions, email me and ask. Then give it a try for yourself. See if it doesn't make a difference in your drama ministry - and your actors!

Free Skit Monday - Why We Pray

Kid-friendly version of an older skit, "1-800-Ride-With-Sara." Gotta give a nod to my old writing partner Sara Moore-Gruber on this one. 

Why We Pray

By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com  

 

CHARACTERS

Erin Mills- A little girl

Sara- Erin's teenage sister

 

Two chairs are set up on stage like the front seat of a car. Erin sits in the passenger seat, and Sara in the driver's seat. She mimes adjusting her seat, seatbelt, and mirrors like a new driver as Erin speaks to the audience.

 

ERIN: Hello! My name is Erin Mills, and this is my sister, Sara. Say hi to Sara everybody!

 

Wait for kids to say hi.

 

ERIN: Sara, say hi to the kids.

SARA: No.

ERIN: We're here in Sara's car to learn the answer to a very big question: why do we pray? I asked my Mommy this question the other night, and she had a little trouble answering. But then my Daddy walked in the house after taking Sara here to get her driver's license. I asked him the same question, and he said, if you wanna know why we pray, just take a ride with Sara. So here, I am with the bestest sister in the world!

 

Erin hugs Sara's arm.

 

SARA: Get off me, you little fungus!

ERIN: We're gonna go to the mall because Daddy says it's the least likely driving route to get us both turned into road kill, whatever that means.

SARA: Dad doesn't know what he's talking about! I'm a great driver.

ERIN: And you're a great sister!

SARA: Buckle your seatbelt, and let's get this over with.

 

Erin mimes buckling her seatbelt as Sara mimes starting the car.

 

ERIN: Now, kids, remember that you need a license to drive, and you shouldn't drive unles you--

 

Sound effect of squealing tires. Sara and Erin mean back as if the car just leapt from 0 to 150. Erin screams.

 

ERIN: Sara! You're going too fast!

SARA: I am not!

ERIN: You're gonna hit that old lady!

 

Sara swerves; they both lean one way.

 

ERIN: You're gonna hit that doggy!

 

Sara swerves, and they lean the other way.

 

ERIN: You're gonna hit that mail--

 

Sound effect of a smashing mailbox.

 

ERIN: You hit that mailbox! 

SARA: It was in the road!

ERIN: It was in the road because you knocked it into the road!

SARA: Will you be quiet and let me drive?

ERIN: I can't be quiet! I... I... I have to pray! O Lord in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, and forgive my sister, she knows not how to drive!

SARA: I do too!

ERIN: Lord, please protect me from my sister's bad driving, and please protect everyone else around us! 

 

Sound of a bump and a car screeching.

 

ERIN: And please welcome that poor kitty cat into your heavenly land up there! In Jesus' name, Amen!

 

Screeching tires. Sara and Erin lean forward, then flop back. 

 

SARA: Out of the car, we're here. 

ERIN: Thank you, Jesus!!! I survived! And I know now why we pray. 

SARA: You're not going to tell Dad about the cat, are you? 

 

Erin looks at the audience, then at Sara. 

 

ERIN: Will you buy me a cookie?  

SARA: (rolls her eyes) Fine.

ERIN: Yay!

 

They both exit "the car" and exit the stage.

 

Sound of squealing tires.