The Essentials - A new skit!
The Essentials
By John Cosper
Righteousinsanity.com
CHARACTERS
Pastor
Meredith- A new believer
Larry, Doreen, Frank, Melanie- Biased believers
Jesus
Pastor is on stage with Meredith.
PASTOR: And this is Meredith Baker. Meredith comes forward today making her confession of faith. She'll be baptized after tonight's service. Be sure to come up and welcome her into the family of God after the service.
Pastor exits. Larry enters. (Note: Larry and all the other church members should have an armload of fliers, booklets, and other items to hand Meredith, as mentioned in the dialogue. Weigh her down with as much junk as possible.)
LARRY: Well, well, Meredith, huh? Welcome to the family of God, sister. We're sure happy you decided to join us. Here's your membership card in the Republican Party. Here's your pro-life bumper sticker, and of course, your NRA decal for the back window of your car. You display these things with pride, now. These are the marks of a true believer. Glad to have ya.
Larry exits. Doreen enters.
DOREEN: It is so good to have you join us. My name is Doreen, and in case you didn't know already, I lead the home school moms group that meets every Thursday morning. I know you'll want to be there because, let's face it, Christians can't send their kids to public schools any more. We're going to have a guest speaker in from the national office talking about ten new ways to shelter our children from the world. Be sure and bring a casserole or dessert.
Doreen exits. Frank enters.
FRANK: Hi, Meredith. My name's Frank, and these are you offering envelopes. Remember, ten percent is the minimum, but also remember, we're not looking for believers who give the bare minimum, okay? Wise stewards find a way to give more. Oh, and if you have debts, I have a new God's Money class starting next Monday. Registration is $130. See ya soon!
Frank exits. Melanie enters.
MELANIE: Well bless God, and bless you, sister. It's so good to see you here. Here's the instructions for reprogramming your TV remote. Now that you're a Christian, you need to avoid the sinful garbage on TV shows. Stick to TBN and reality programs that don't involve males and females doing overnights. Also, my husband and I offer a ministry where we can come to your house and personally remove and burn all the immoral books, movies, magazines, and music you might have. And for $5 a month, we can filter your Internet. Okay? Bless you, Meredith. So glad you joined us.
Jesus enters. He sees all the stuff that people have given Meredith. She looks very overwhelmed. He takes away the stickers, the fliers, etc and tosses them all aside.
JESUS: Come on. Follow me.
Meredith smiles and follows Jesus.
